Hi all,
I'm not sure what to put down here. I'm a 46 year old male. I've had depression and anxiety issues my whole life. I've done my best to avoid feeling and dealing with my issues my whole life. I've been in a low spot for the last two months. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my issues in that time. I know I need to go to the doctor and get put on meds, but I've spent my adult life muddling through and dealing with things on my own. I hate to have to go to a dr and admit what a mentally ill loser I am. I don't see my life getting any better anyway. I work a crappy job and have no skills or ambition to get anything better. My spare time is spent as a caregiver to a disabled woman. I have no real interests. I have no friends and am not close to family. I have lived my life waiting to die and unfortunately I still have another 30 years to go. Sorry to be such a downer but that's just where I'm at at the moment.
hi
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Fargin
- Posts: 223
- Joined: December 28th, 2012, 6:01 am
- Gender: Male
- Issues: Avoidant Personality Disorder
- Location: Copenhagen
Re: hi
Hi brownblob,
It's okay to be a downer here, most of us have either downer moments or downer decades. I relate to most of what you wrote and know living a joyless, hopeless existence feels like a prison sentence, you have to endure until you die. When you're at that desperate or dead place, the though of getting to a better place feels scary and impossible. That's also why getting help can be so difficult, because what's a doctor or pill really going to do?
Part of getting better is opening up to those feelings we avoid and these feelings are sad and scary, which is a downer. But when we're forced to cut off our feelings, we also have to cut off joy and hope and that's definitely a downer. Ones problems can be so overwhelming, it can feel meaningless to get help, because how's a doctor or pill going to change the the only thing we know? It's hard to imagine getting help and changing the path of a depressed and anxious life.
In my experience it can be done, in many small increments and at some point, I began to notice subtle positive changes.
These forums was kind of my first step, a safe place to practice opening up, sharing my feelings and opinions. Still every time I shared something, my first instinct was to delete my post, because I was sure, I was bringing other people down or being obnoxious or repulsive in some way. but this place allowed me to practice expressing myself, when someone wrote something I related to, even though I usually felt shame afterwards.
Even though to the thought of change is scary, at some point always staying the same gets even scarier. Keep building up the courage to get help to change and welcome to the community.
It's okay to be a downer here, most of us have either downer moments or downer decades. I relate to most of what you wrote and know living a joyless, hopeless existence feels like a prison sentence, you have to endure until you die. When you're at that desperate or dead place, the though of getting to a better place feels scary and impossible. That's also why getting help can be so difficult, because what's a doctor or pill really going to do?
Part of getting better is opening up to those feelings we avoid and these feelings are sad and scary, which is a downer. But when we're forced to cut off our feelings, we also have to cut off joy and hope and that's definitely a downer. Ones problems can be so overwhelming, it can feel meaningless to get help, because how's a doctor or pill going to change the the only thing we know? It's hard to imagine getting help and changing the path of a depressed and anxious life.
In my experience it can be done, in many small increments and at some point, I began to notice subtle positive changes.
These forums was kind of my first step, a safe place to practice opening up, sharing my feelings and opinions. Still every time I shared something, my first instinct was to delete my post, because I was sure, I was bringing other people down or being obnoxious or repulsive in some way. but this place allowed me to practice expressing myself, when someone wrote something I related to, even though I usually felt shame afterwards.
Even though to the thought of change is scary, at some point always staying the same gets even scarier. Keep building up the courage to get help to change and welcome to the community.
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ovoce
- Posts: 43
- Joined: January 6th, 2016, 4:14 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Depression and anxiety, cutting, suicidal, food addiction, rape survivor
- preferred pronoun: she
- Location: USA
Re: hi
Welcome brownblob 
I'm sorry times have been so dark for you lately, and hope you can find some comfort here. I'm sure there are so many here who can relate to what you're feeling. I'm not in the same exact situation as you, but there were quite a few sentences in your post where I felt like "whoah, I'm pretty sure I have said those exact same words about myself".
I'm sorry times have been so dark for you lately, and hope you can find some comfort here. I'm sure there are so many here who can relate to what you're feeling. I'm not in the same exact situation as you, but there were quite a few sentences in your post where I felt like "whoah, I'm pretty sure I have said those exact same words about myself".