Fantasy girl in a fucked up world

[KJcrazy]

Hello all,

I am KJ introducing myself. I live in Louisiana, raised in the streets of Dallas. I suffer from all kinds of shit...drug addiction, fantasy addiction, a host of mental illness and love living in pain and sadness. I have no family, no friends, just a husband who is as fucked up as me. We have a daughter who is 6 and poor her she is such a bright light in our dark world. We are both addicted to each other in both negative and positives ways. The bad thing is that he doesn't see it as clearly as me or he does and is in denial.

We have both mentally and physically abused each other but still love and hold on to what we have even though it is FUCKED UP...I have come to realize that Fantasy is my escape, always has been since a child. I escaped a lot as child due to growing up poor and forgotten. I have started listening to the podcast and it has helped me learn about myself and grow slowly day by day. I love Paul and all your guys for letting me know we are all fucked up just looking for something to get us til the next day.

Hopefully my anxiety will stop after I post a few times and I get some responses. I am socially awkward and weird. I crave human interaction but to much fear of rejection to strike up a convo with anyone so I live in my head and need some human energy that's positive and not my husbands negative. I don't know how much longer I can carry the both of us as he stays blind to his issues, guilt, and addiction. It takes all my strength not to turn back to my number one comfort..my true love in life.. drugs. Til next time...

[bigeekgirl]

Hi KJ! Welcome! You aren't weird around here.

Fantasy was always my refuge, too. Books, especially, but TV, movies or the stories in my head as well. Not the worst way to cope, if you ask me.

I hope you come back around. For me, getting over fear of rejection takes practice. Virtual practice counts.