I'm having a bad day. Which is not that unusual. A lot of us have bad days. I need to do some self-care and self-soothing, but my son is also having a hard day after having school yesterday, so there's no time for self-soothing. He needs me to help soothe him.
My name is Mel. I'm from Alberta, Canada. I have dissociative idenitty disorder-NOS. I struggle with self-harming thoughts A LOT. It's not about self-hatred for us. It's not feeling any fucking emotions.
I don't lose time. I just have the other thoughts, and occasional co-consciousness.
Other than emotional abuse from my parents, I don't have any bad memories, but they must be there.
*deep breath*
That's the bad. I am a mother of 4: two kids, one husband, and one dog with severe separation anxiety, who is attached to me. My youngest and the dog get jealous of the other. My son used to push the dog off my lap and vice versa. I appreciate being needed. I am a big RPG video gamer.
I realized today that everyone who knows about my DID/PTSD etc refused to acknowledge it past the first couple conversations about it. Including my husband and my best friend. Literally I told my BFF and she validate it a little, and then next time I brought up having a bad day she acted as if my problem was anxiety not the other stuff i told her about. I don't know what it is about me or the diagnosis but few people validate it.
I also realized that if I didn't talk to someone, have someone to vent and express myself to who can validate me, I was going to end up in a downward spiral. And I don't have time for a downward spiral. I have kids who I am intent on not fucking up entirely with my issues. (Side note: I feel better having typed all this out)
Hello from Canada
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mellybelly
- Posts: 7
- Joined: November 20th, 2015, 1:53 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, depression, anxiety,
- preferred pronoun: they
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Applecider
- Posts: 35
- Joined: October 22nd, 2015, 1:30 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Depression, Anxiety, Co-dependent, problems maintaining relationships.
- preferred pronoun: She
Re: Hello from Canada
Hi Mel!
May I please make a recommendation for a dose of validation? Have you ever heard of the podcast "One Bad Mother"? It's part of the Max Fun Network, and their mission is essentially "Parenting is Hard, No gives a fuck, and you're doing a great job!" I thought you sound like you could a "Good Job!" and they are masters of it. Also, they are moms and discuss parenting challenges as well as their own mental and physical challenges as Moms. All with loads of snark and humor.
It sounds really demanding, being there for both your children, your dog, and husband. You ARE doing a great job and the fact that you are aware of the potential impact you might be having on your children is really huge. Your problems are your problems - They make up part of your universe, just as everyone around you makes up part of your universe. I am sorry those close to you have a hard time validating it - It's a much more distant part of their Universe. Your bubbles collide, but it's no where near as intense for them. I do hope that they can eventually learn about your disorders and validate them. I am so glad you shared this with us, and that it made you feel better.
-Apple
May I please make a recommendation for a dose of validation? Have you ever heard of the podcast "One Bad Mother"? It's part of the Max Fun Network, and their mission is essentially "Parenting is Hard, No gives a fuck, and you're doing a great job!" I thought you sound like you could a "Good Job!" and they are masters of it. Also, they are moms and discuss parenting challenges as well as their own mental and physical challenges as Moms. All with loads of snark and humor.
It sounds really demanding, being there for both your children, your dog, and husband. You ARE doing a great job and the fact that you are aware of the potential impact you might be having on your children is really huge. Your problems are your problems - They make up part of your universe, just as everyone around you makes up part of your universe. I am sorry those close to you have a hard time validating it - It's a much more distant part of their Universe. Your bubbles collide, but it's no where near as intense for them. I do hope that they can eventually learn about your disorders and validate them. I am so glad you shared this with us, and that it made you feel better.
-Apple
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mellybelly
- Posts: 7
- Joined: November 20th, 2015, 1:53 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, depression, anxiety,
- preferred pronoun: they
Re: Hello from Canada
Thank you Apple. From the bottom of my soul. I'm going to check out the podcast. Love and light.