Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Woke up well. My sleep cycle is starting to approach normal after not being for awhile.

I recovered well from the after-effects of yesterday.

It was the first time I consciously made no effort to invisible-ise my hurt feelings. I think that’s the reason I feel okay this morning.

Today will be good. There’s a more truthful message floating around after what happened.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up well after being completely wiped. Still struggling to recover from the intensive, prolonged study period. It has only been a week, so…

There were a few early morning obstacles which I seemed to swerve awkwardly. There were no trumpets.

I think it might be a good, languorous day. I will let my brain rest and practice saying, ‘that’s enough for now’.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up late and disoriented. Not in a bad way; just not hyper-vigilant.

As I was getting ready a thought started to form. ‘I do better when I’m not doing ‘do my best’’.

So today I’m just going to do my next.

That’s my new mantra: ‘do your next’.

Do your very next.

At least until midafternoon.

[Beany Boo]

Today went okay.

I deliberately didn’t do my best. It felt liberating (up to a point). I also seemed to do more and better when I didn’t fixate on best-doing. I enjoyed it more, even mundane stuff.

Both my focus and my lettings go endured with less effort.

I still felt incapable of intimacy but also less at the mercy of the people around me. I felt less profoundly reliant on them.

I had a few moments during the day where I was comfortable with doing difficult or dangerous activities. Difficult or dangerous for me, is intimacy, listening and allowing for fear and optimism to coexist.

Anyway I made it to midafternoon, again.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wishing you the very best, Beany

I am crawling out of the muck today

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Today was an odd one.

I did really well. I resolved some challenges that I had been persisting with for some time. I’m the only one who knows that I’ve been trying so hard about stuff.

I did not-my-best again today, and did better than my normal perfectionist self does, as a result.

I created an empty bowl and let it fill, figuratively speaking.

I had the sensation I like, of what I want being present everywhere but unclear.

I could be wrong but I think I might have helped someone today.

Feeling alive in a dangerous world.

Poor me.

[manuel_moe_g]

Feeling alive in a dangerous world.

Poor me.

Please take care, Beany.

The world I live in piles more and more and more responsibilities on me, without any care about my limited ability to much during the day. And I can be fiercely attacked for dropping anything or leaving anything undone.

I am moving forward with self-compassion and giving myself grace, and keeping my work pace sustainable and humane. I know for the rest of my life there will be things done and things left un-done, day in and day out.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM