Trichotillomania

[Geoff]

It's not really OCD, but it is a compulsive disorder, and I didn't know where else to put this...so here it is.

Trichotillomania is when you compulsively pull your own hair out. I've had it on some level for as long as I can remember (early on it was just sort of twisting/twirling hair, and progressed gradually from that point), but I've only known about the condition itself for a few months. I'm talking with both my psychologist and psychiatrist about it now, as it's gotten worse over the last month or two, and so contributing to my own feelings of shame and whatnot.

In any case, I didn't have much of a "goal" for this post, except to just put it out there and see what happens. Does anyone else here struggle with this or know someone else who does?

[kitkat]

Glad to hear you're getting help! I'm afraid I don't have that much to relate to this, but I am interested by it. I have pulled out my eyebrows in the past or a few hair or eyelashes because I had this feeling under my skin like they were itchy or growing wrong or something. Maybe it's the sense of control over your body?

Either way, keep us up to date with your recovery!

[oak]

You are definitely not alone.

I can't say that I have Trichotillomania, but I do have an allied/similar compulsion to pull things out of my skin.

(Mild grossness to follow.)

This includes from the exterior of my nose (but certainly not from the inside), ear canal, between my eyebrows, and neck.

Just a few months ago I was horrified to notice that I had fairly long (1/4 inch) hairs growing where my jaw meets my ear. I was horrified not because those hair are unsightly on a clean shaven man (although they are that), but because I missed out on years of pleasure-pain from pulling them.

I am glad you are using your voice to seek help. Keep us updated.

[oak]

btw, I posted a thread a few months ago about pulling things out of one's skin:

http://mentalpod.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=7888

[kitkat]

Oak, there is definitely something satisfying about pulling things out! I dont want to be gross or anything, but ingrown hairs are the most satisfying, that's all I'm gonna say, haha.

I also might, you know, enjoy picking at other people. I feel like a monkey grooming her mates for ticks, haha.

[oak]

@kitkat: More evidence that we are twins, separated at birth, morally and emotionally if not biologically.

In all seriousness, if you like to pull/groom others, I would let you pull the somewhat precious hairs coming out of the left side of my neck, and between my eyebrows.

The extremely valuable hairs (exterior of nose, ear canal) are all mine.

(I realize how incredibly weird this must sound, but hey, such is my reality.)

Lastly, speaking of pulling hairs, every morning when I am walking into work I can feel the wind blowing a rogue hair just outside my ear canal. I can feel it blowing in the wind, but can't find it with tweezers, despite how I try.

I can't say that I think about pulling hairs 100 times a day, but at least 10 times. Pulling them brings me pure pleasure. Pure pain-pleasure.

My goodness, I am grateful for this thread. I am glad the OP, Geoff, had the courage to post.

[oak]

Oops: the technical term for where my ear hair grows out of is the tragus.

I have a delicious hair juuust ready to be pulled in my right ear tragus. Joy.

Sorry for hijacking your thread OP.

[Geoff]

No need to apologize, Oak. It's nice to read through these posts! And thank you both for the supportive comments, oak and kitkat.

I was in therapy earlier today. It seems the pulling is wound up in all sorts of anxiety/control/coping issues that go back to childhood. So my therapist gave me a few coping mechanisms to try to gradually supplant the pulling (going to take a while; I grew up doing this...).

Maybe it's the sense of control over your body?

For me it's a sense of control within a moment of chaos. It's where I can go when things are happening that I have no control over, and my mind is going to dark places in relation to the event; so I pull hair to soothe that anxiety, as something that I can do regardless of anything else.

[kitkat]

Oak, obviously we are twins! And I looooove plucking other people's eyebrows and would be most happy to oblige! haha I might wander in to precious exterior nose areas, though, so be forewarned!

Picking at people's backs is also a bonus.

Ear (or tragus :p) picking as well, since most of my allergies tend to manifest in the ear/throat region, it can be super satisfying.

(I feel so weird for saying these things, but at least I'm not alone. Safety in numbers! hahaha)

Geoff, glad to hear you're getting some progress from your therapy! Do you mind sharing what coping skills they've suggested? The way you describe it sort of sounds like what I do, except I bite and pull my cuticles/the skin around my fingers. If I see any white or otherwise dry looking skin, I have to pull it or bite it off. I know logically, I am making the matter worse (especially when I bite too deep :/) , but it's nearly impossible to resist the urge. It's like not scratching a chicken poc. Does that sound similar?

Either way, tons of luck and support your way!

[Geoff]

My therapist suggested noticing when the anxiety happens and sort of deconstructing the circumstances, realizing that what is happening and what I'm thinking aren't necessarily lining up. For example, my body feels pain, my brain says "Oh my God, you have cancer," I start pulling hair. The reality is that I just feel a bit of pain. I have no evidence that I have cancer. I can't know that I have cancer until I have proof. So I have no literal reason to be pulling hair. (This has actually worked a bit earlier today...it's nice. It's like mindfulness; "Why am I pulling? I'm making soup. That's it.")

She also said to avoid the sort of catastrophic/black and white thinking patterns that I often fall into (I'm sure many people do). The "I'm a complete failure because I was a penny short last Tuesday" thinking. Reminding myself that every life is an amalgam of triumphs and failures.

And kitkat, that feeling you describe is quite familiar. It's like an itch, and there's a sense of agitated urgency about it. And sometimes I don't even realize I'm pulling hair until I'm already in the middle of doing it.