Frequent nightmares

[troebia]

I've been suffering from mild anxiety for about ten years, occasionally and periodically taking 0.25mg/day of alprazolam (Xanax). This last year or so I've been having more and more frequent nightmares. I don't have any trouble falling asleep when going to bed, but I'll wake up at 2 or 3 AM almost every night now after terrible dreams. I'll always relive a mixed bag of events stored in my memory that were extremely embarrassing to me, or moments when I felt I had made a big mistake, or "new" situations when I'll be in a strange threatening city and be insulted and abused about things in the past. I'll wake up shaking, and when I manage to go to sleep again I can have several more cycles of nightmares, sometimes only an hour apart. If I take more Xanax at night the dreams go away, but I'll be too drowsy in the morning so it isn't a long-term solution. Work isn't great right now, but objectively I don't have any major life-threatening issues and have a loving wife. I do feel though I could do more with my life professionally and creatively at 55. Are my dreams telling me I'm going to have some sort of breakdown soon?

[oak]

Hello and thanks for sharing. I am sorry you are suffering so, and I am glad you got it all out.

Obligatory not a sleep expert or psychologist. That said, yes, it may be a sign from your psyche to call you to greater effort professionally and creatively. Listen to those dreams my friend.

Disrupted sleep, sadly common in these horrible COVID/lockdown days, are a trauma. They're enough to make anyone wonder if they're about to have a breakdown. That said, something tells me that you are indeed NOT on your way to a breakdown. You have a lot going for you, and you know how to use your words. Those are the hallmark of someone who is going to make it.

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia,

Not an expert either, but you're unconscious mind seems to be wanting to resolve things. (And as Oak mentioned, many people report troubling dreams during this last year.)

Probably connected to *my* anxiety, sometimes during the day memories will just pop into my mind, along with attendant physical feelings such as embarrassment, anxiety or shame. Not major events that should really cause this, but still it happens. Strange how our minds dredge up stuff long past without apparent cause.

Maybe if you try to consciously explore some of the dream subjects to disarm them through writing or something? Similar to naming a fear to take away some of it's sting...

Wishing you well.

Snoring Dog

[oak]

Yes, well said, SnoringDog.

Again, not a scientist, but my experience:

The first few hours are "taking out the garbage": disposing of the mental gunk that built up over the day.

The last few hours or minutes of nightmares: clear messages from my subconscious using dreams (ie metaphors, symbols, etc) to my conscious/waking self.

Put another way, you may want to observe what your nightmares are like at an hour into sleep, and an hour before waking up.

My two cents.

[troebia]

Thank you all so much for the feedback. Yes, it probably makes sense to think of even absurd dreams as some kind of message. I'm hesitant though to write them down just after waking up. The other day I woke up from a nightmare just after going to bed and my wife was still awake, and I said to her "this dream was like seeing a horror movie I don't EVER want to remember". I'll try to hang in there like the rest until the virus situation blows over, this year has been hard on us all.

[snoringdog]

This makes me think about (sometimes-intrusive) "automatic negative thoughts" that occur to me and that have been discussed by Paul's guests as well.

Not sure what the neural/mental mechanism is, but when you're asleep the mind has free reign...

(And I too have occasionally had dreams that are too awful to ponder upon waking, though thankfully not very often...)

Just wondering when the nightmares started, if there are any recurrent themes, and what new stresses you have during the day that may trigger them?

(All rhetorical of course, and nothing you're obligated to answer here - just to think about)

SD

[troebia]

Don't know which episode it was but as you say Snoringdog, nightmares about regrets were definitely discussed on the podcast by some guest.

I can't remember a single event when my dreams turned all negative, trying to put my finger on it but there must be lots of tiny stuff all adding up and then spilling over. Didn't have a proper mid-life crisis because I've kept busy with work that I liked, and also realised my limits. I'm content to be bald and driving an old banger instead of a red convertible and have hair implants. There was a hiccup in the marriage when I was 40 (15 years ago) but I'm glad now we could overcome it with counseling.

Maybe it's just age... After a certain point in life friends and parents start dying on you, and your back or knee hurts all the time, teeth start failing. Buddies and cousins drift away, it's no one's fault but you get stuck in the same old conversations and habits until there's no point in talking or getting together anymore. I've been joining special interest groups to meet new people IRL and it's mostly a good experience, though real friendships are probably hard to come by at this age.

It's as if the brain inside this creaking body is shouting in my dreams, "it's not too late to get a maths degree!", "you could still create a successful business of your own!" or "what are you doing, settling for what you have??"

[rivergirl]

Hi troebia,

I'm sorry you're dealing with such disturbing dreams, but glad that you're posting here.

I'm not sure if the amount of Xanax you're taking could have this effect, but I think sleep disturbances are a possible side effect of any type of benzodiazepine. I've had to stop taking a couple of prescription anxiety/depression medications in the past due to nightmares.

Or maybe as you said it's your psyche dealing with the pandemic and the stage in life you're at now. I just turned 59 recently and relate to some of the creakiness of body and the other losses that you mentioned. I also share your uncertainty about being able to form close friendships later in life, but I do see folks who are much older than me who have been able to do this, so it does seem possible.

rivergirl

[troebia]

Thank you Rivergirl,
I don't take Xanax regularly before sleep, only 0.25mg a couple of times a week if I'm tossing and turning in bed. Maybe 1.5-2mg/week total. Lately I've been trying to associate any actual events in life to the dreams I'm having, but I can't seem to make direct connections. Just this week I had an ugly conflict with a person online that I also know IRL (you can see one of my other posts) but that night I was having pleasant dreams about furry white rabbits. Go figure.
You're right about the pandemic, just today they announced further restrictions in my area in Spain and if I didn't live rurally I'd go positively bananas. I realise I'm leaning heavily, too heavily on my wife right now, she's much more practical about everything and just keeps on ticking like a Swiss watch while I'm a leaf in the wind.
As you say, friends are hard to come by at this age, though I'll try to be positive and open.

[rivergirl]

Hi troebia,

You could explore your dreams more with a therapist if you felt that might help. My therapist encourages his clients to regularly write down their dreams and go over them in therapy. I always have mixed feelings about this. Sometimes it seems like a valid method of therapy, and other times I wonder if it is pseudo-scientific and not actually of value.

It's probably hard not to lean on your wife if she seems able to withstand the stress of the pandemic better than you are. I don't know if it would help to express your appreciation to her for this, or ask if there's anything she needs from you? Perhaps you already have these types of conversations. It was just a thought.

Hang in there,

rivergirl