Sundays can be really low days for many of us. And it's one of those big family-oriented days in a lot of countries... don't know about you, but my dad died 40 years ago this year and I never got to have much of a relationship with him. If I think about the past I'll be completely immobilized today.
I'm not feeling physically well, but I have a kinda fun dad-related show out of France to watch: it's on the Criterion Channel and it's called The Middleman. It's the best day of the week on WWOZ as far as I'm concerned, and I have a mega-project I'm working on (transatlantic move).
How's your Sunday going?
Sunday check-in... how is everyone doing?
-
snoringdog
- Posts: 1452
- Joined: April 23rd, 2019, 5:49 pm
- Gender: male
- Issues: anxiety, depression, automatic negative thoughts, intrusive thoughts, SAD.
- preferred pronoun: "Good Boy!"
- Location: USA
Re: Sunday check-in... how is everyone doing?
Hello techchick,
So, I live between two houses both of which had Father's day gatherings. One got pretty raucous as the evening wore on because they were watching soccer or some such (the family is from Peru).
They've just moved in recently, and have made friendly overtures towards us. Yesterday the man gave me a Father's Day present of small tourist souvenir glasses from Peru.
I accepted them and thanked him (was in Peru in the 90's and really enjoyed it all).
But I'm not a father, and have never had the strong desire to be one (so a little awkward, but just in my own mind).
I remember good interactions with my dad when I was younger, but when puberty hit things went downhill. I think I inherited my depressive and ruminative tendencies from him and communication became difficult and strained. I left the house at 18 to get away.
Things improved as I got older, but I wish that I'd been less depressed and more opened when we were together back then...
So, I live between two houses both of which had Father's day gatherings. One got pretty raucous as the evening wore on because they were watching soccer or some such (the family is from Peru).
They've just moved in recently, and have made friendly overtures towards us. Yesterday the man gave me a Father's Day present of small tourist souvenir glasses from Peru.
I accepted them and thanked him (was in Peru in the 90's and really enjoyed it all).
But I'm not a father, and have never had the strong desire to be one (so a little awkward, but just in my own mind).
I remember good interactions with my dad when I was younger, but when puberty hit things went downhill. I think I inherited my depressive and ruminative tendencies from him and communication became difficult and strained. I left the house at 18 to get away.
Things improved as I got older, but I wish that I'd been less depressed and more opened when we were together back then...
Re: Sunday check-in... how is everyone doing?
I sometimes wonder what percentage of people actually enjoy the typical family holidays throughout the year rather than finding them sad and painful.
I can relate, techchick. My dad has been gone for 35 years, and we'd only gotten to the point of being able to carry on even a superficial conversation a couple of years before his death. Sometimes planning ahead for a distraction on difficult holidays is helpful. I have a friend who spends Christmas week camping in the desert every year to forget about her childhood Christmases with her alcoholic parents.
I'm sorry you had a rough time with your dad in your adolescence, snoringdog. Ideally parents would be responsible for setting the tone of the relationship and getting professional help if things become too strained, but that certainly isn't the norm, or at least it wasn't when I was growing up. Your neighbors sound nice, even if the gift was a little awkward.
I can relate, techchick. My dad has been gone for 35 years, and we'd only gotten to the point of being able to carry on even a superficial conversation a couple of years before his death. Sometimes planning ahead for a distraction on difficult holidays is helpful. I have a friend who spends Christmas week camping in the desert every year to forget about her childhood Christmases with her alcoholic parents.
I'm sorry you had a rough time with your dad in your adolescence, snoringdog. Ideally parents would be responsible for setting the tone of the relationship and getting professional help if things become too strained, but that certainly isn't the norm, or at least it wasn't when I was growing up. Your neighbors sound nice, even if the gift was a little awkward.
-
techchick
- Posts: 56
- Joined: June 27th, 2015, 5:05 am
- Gender: tending toward NB
- Issues: Autism, ADHD (self DX), cPTSD, depression, binge / restrict eating disorder
- preferred pronoun: she / they
- Location: Central Mexico
Re: Sunday check-in... how is everyone doing?
@snoringdog: your account feels familiar to me.
I have such mixed feelings about my own dad, who died of a heart attack connected to lupus in 1981. He went on prednisone when I was very young to help contain the ill effects of the lupus, and anyone who's ever been on steroids longterm knows what a "joy" it is. Our relationship was very strained after the time I was 4 or 5 (probably coincident with the time he went on prednisone). But I see the ways in which his example and guidance prepared me for handling a lot of situations on my own, whether or not I was aware of that at the time.
Soooo many questions I would have asked. His generation are all gone now (born in 1918), sadly.
Peruvians are kind of awesome in my admittedly limited experience. I think you did totally right to accept the gift. Seems like Latin American families often are far more capable of enjoying each other's company than modern US families, although there's dysfunction of the usual kinds present as well. When things are good, it can be nice to observe.
I have such mixed feelings about my own dad, who died of a heart attack connected to lupus in 1981. He went on prednisone when I was very young to help contain the ill effects of the lupus, and anyone who's ever been on steroids longterm knows what a "joy" it is. Our relationship was very strained after the time I was 4 or 5 (probably coincident with the time he went on prednisone). But I see the ways in which his example and guidance prepared me for handling a lot of situations on my own, whether or not I was aware of that at the time.
Soooo many questions I would have asked. His generation are all gone now (born in 1918), sadly.
Peruvians are kind of awesome in my admittedly limited experience. I think you did totally right to accept the gift. Seems like Latin American families often are far more capable of enjoying each other's company than modern US families, although there's dysfunction of the usual kinds present as well. When things are good, it can be nice to observe.
-
techchick
- Posts: 56
- Joined: June 27th, 2015, 5:05 am
- Gender: tending toward NB
- Issues: Autism, ADHD (self DX), cPTSD, depression, binge / restrict eating disorder
- preferred pronoun: she / they
- Location: Central Mexico
Re: Sunday check-in... how is everyone doing?
@rivergirl: fistbump. My mom died in 2015 and I spent that Christmas in New Orleans.
I often feel like I''m the kind of person I want to be now more than ever, but a lot of that has to do with certain saturnine presences (a/k/a my first AA sponsor) being out of my life. Unfortunately thanks to his own health problems and emotional issues, my dad was often that saturnine presence, so I don't know how much of a relationship I could have built with him even as a sober adult.
I often feel like I''m the kind of person I want to be now more than ever, but a lot of that has to do with certain saturnine presences (a/k/a my first AA sponsor) being out of my life. Unfortunately thanks to his own health problems and emotional issues, my dad was often that saturnine presence, so I don't know how much of a relationship I could have built with him even as a sober adult.
Re: Sunday check-in... how is everyone doing?
There are some similarities in our stories, techchick.
Our relationship was very strained after the time I was 4 or 5
This statement is heartbreaking to me, but I do relate. My earliest memory is a negative one about my dad from when I was 3 years old.
My mom and dad were also part of what some people call the "greatest generation." My mom is almost 95 and one of the last of her contemporaries still alive. I found out just enough about my dad after he was gone to wonder about all the things I'll never know about him.
Steroids can be a nightmare. I have an illness that's related to Lupus, and have been on Prednisone off and on for the past 10 years. I'm lucky that usually immunosuppressant medications have worked well enough for me that I don't have to be on steroids continually. I feel for anyone who had an auto immune disorder decades ago when they were even less well understood and treatable. I can only imagine how difficult it was for your dad, and for you as his child.
Our relationship was very strained after the time I was 4 or 5
This statement is heartbreaking to me, but I do relate. My earliest memory is a negative one about my dad from when I was 3 years old.
My mom and dad were also part of what some people call the "greatest generation." My mom is almost 95 and one of the last of her contemporaries still alive. I found out just enough about my dad after he was gone to wonder about all the things I'll never know about him.
Steroids can be a nightmare. I have an illness that's related to Lupus, and have been on Prednisone off and on for the past 10 years. I'm lucky that usually immunosuppressant medications have worked well enough for me that I don't have to be on steroids continually. I feel for anyone who had an auto immune disorder decades ago when they were even less well understood and treatable. I can only imagine how difficult it was for your dad, and for you as his child.