Started a New Support Group and Feeling Overwhelmed

[TonyM_Guest]

I'm kind of reporting in real time here just because I feel the need to not have these feelings bottled up inside.

For a long time, I've been attending a codependency support group based on what I learned in Episode 230. A while back when I was coordinating my episode appearance, Paul had recommended (based on my story, including some stuff that did not make it into the episode) I also look into a support group that is focused on sex and love related issues, especially emotional anorexia. I let this sit on the back burner for a long time. I recently brought it up with my therapist and she advised me to give it a whirl since I can't see her for a couple of weeks and then report back the next time we talk.

I have attended two meetings online this week (out of my geographic area via Zoom) and the meeting last night overwhelmed me so much. It wasn't that I was triggered. It was that with every speaker I was feeling myself tap into pain and issues that even I had either forgotten or suppressed. There's a lot going on in my head right now and I'm simultaneously feeling the most "seen" I think I've ever felt (outside of my therapist) and also the most scared I've ever felt in my recovery journey.

Don't get me wrong, I love my first group and think that it helps me a lot but this new group both overlaps with the first a good deal as well as seems to dig deeper to the core of my feelings and background with my self-defeating behaviors.

I definitely see the potential for a tremendous amount of healing in this new program and I'm feeling my "type A" personality and perfectionist tendency creep in and tell me I have to be a "good student" in this program and "do it right" so that I can achieve the maximum benefit/recovery from it.

I brain dumped a bit here but I'm interested if others have had similar feelings/experiences with certain groups.

[manuel_moe_g]

It was that with every speaker I was feeling myself tap into pain and issues that even I had either forgotten or suppressed. There's a lot going on in my head right now and I'm simultaneously feeling the most "seen" I think I've ever felt (outside of my therapist) and also the most scared I've ever felt in my recovery journey.

This is fantastic, and a great sign that you are on the road to recovery. Lately, for me, fears have been popping up, a good sign I am on the right path.

Please journal your thoughts here in the forum. You are a great writer!

[manuel_moe_g]

Also, I have been scared to try a support group. Maybe Zoom is the way to go! Thanks Tony!

[Beany Boo]

Your reaction seems natural from my experience. The only thing I would say is, that you get to decide and show yourself, and telegraph to others, exactly when enough for you, is enough. Moreover, you’re allowed to do that, and it’s not at the expense of the experience you’re in, that you need.

[oak]

Good luck TonyM! Such courage.

Walking into a new support group is difficult. I'm glad you took the chance.

Keep us posted!

btw, if I can be a negative nancy for a minute:

Years ago I had a buddy who haunted SLA. He was... very much a non-reliable narrator. At least at his SLA group they'd (per his reports, which again were fraught and doubtful) play what we now call 5D chess with intimacy issues. ie they used SLA to live out their psychodramas etc. These people were real pieces of work, apparently.

By no means should this put you off. Rather, just go in with your spidey sense at 10. If your gut tells you a person or situation is sketchy, then immediately trust it. I'm sure you'll be fine. Just keep your guard up to nonsense. Stick to the traditions.

[rivergirl]

Hi Tony,
I've definitely felt this way when starting a new support group, and even when I first sent a message to this group. I remember typing a couple of words and then breaking down crying.

Being seen is scary when you've learned to hide yourself for protection.

I admire your bravery in trying this new group, as well as your bravery in sharing in your episode.

rivergirl