Weekend blues/anxiety

[rivergirl]

I want to be a strong person who is helpful to other people on this forum and in my life, but I can't seem to figure out how to prevent my own weekend blues/anxiety that strike every weekend now. I think I got through Christmas relatively well considering that I stayed isolated at home with my mom due to fear of her being around my brother's family with Covid infections being so high in our area. Tonight as evening is falling I feel deep sadness and like maybe I'm permanently separated from all of the things that once made me feel safe and alive.

My sister has been in a hospital ER for the past two weeks. She definitely has Covid now, after what was probably a false diagnosis and hospitalization earlier in the fall. The Covid isn't even the issue so much as what will happen if they don't find a mental health facility where she can go when she is released. Her past few years of mental illness or early dementia combined with lack of financial resources may make it impossible to find an appropriate place for her to live. It sounds awful but I almost think passing from Covid would be a better fate for her then what may actually happen.

I do a lot of meditation that involves staying in the present moment and accepting change and loss, and I talk to my therapist about these subjects often, but this weekend my mind will not stay away from memories of past times when I was married and most of my family was still alive and well, and we had big holiday gatherings with my family and my husband's family. I see now that things weren't all as healthy as they appeared on the surface, but I still long to go back to those times and places.

[oak]

I am sorry you are suffering so, and I am glad you got it all out.

[rivergirl]

Thank you, Oak.

I don't mean to make it sound like I'm suffering extraordinarily this weekend. I know that many people are going through Covid isolation over the holidays or worse, have lost a loved one to Covid. It feel like there's more than the usual amount of pain around the holidays this year. I try to hold on to the idea that there's also love that is as real as the pain.

I hope you have a comfortable night and can get some sleep.

rg

[oak]

Very good, Rivergirl.

I firmly believe 2021 will be a better year for all of us. May I speak frankly (since I am exhausted!)?

Per your excellent to outstanding recent efforts to find a place of your own, I think you understand that having your own place will do you good. You have done more, much more, than what is reasonably expected to take care of an ailing parent. Whatever you owed your mother is paid, several times over.

As stated in your own words, you look with happiness, for good reason, back to when you had a husband. This is normal and healthy. Expected. You are completely normal (to the degree that any of us are "normal").

Feel free to take or leave any of the following!

"Whatever's in the way is the way"

Again, speaking frankly, I think your psyche/subconscious is trying anything to get to your attention to do the above: while I by no means judge you for dreading weekends, were we to be honest we'd have to admit that such a dread is a bit unusual. Most people really look forward to, and enjoy the weekend. I say this not to shame or Other you, but to speak frankly that there is lots of joy, weekend-related joy, in your future. Your psyche is trying to get your attention, to get some message through to you.

I'm not certain what that message is, but by your own words it is a desire for your own place and for a husband. Both of these are worthy goals.

Again, I exhausted and sad, so if any of the above hurts or doesn't make sense, please immediately ignore. But if there is some kernel of truth, then continue to pursue your excellent actions.

[Beany Boo]

Unfinished business has a stubborn way of staying just that, unfinished.

And some problems are invariably too big to solve.

Letting everything fall apart doesn’t feel like an option.

And the worse thing is no one knows how much you worry about them or even that you worry at all.

Overreaching leaves you exhausted. Dealing with manageable chunks leaves you uncertain.

Strength is good but it has limits.

I appreciate it might be forbidden to feel this but, confusion might also match what you’re experiencing. And frustration. It’s not complete confusion. And also it’s justified frustration.

And there I stop.

[rivergirl]

Thank you, Oak and Beany. Much of what you each wrote resonates with me, and it feels comforting to be understood.

rg

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

A few comments inline (that's the only way that seems to work for me, sorry)

I want to be a strong person who is helpful to other people on this forum and in my life, but I can't seem to figure out how to prevent my own weekend blues/anxiety that strike every weekend now.

SD - Every one of your reply posts that I've seen, are helpful and uplifting and the recipients should be grateful to receive them. Really. You are a caring person.

Weekend blues/anxiety - At least you've identified a pattern- maybe that can help you develop a few defenses in preparation, which I've seen you mention in the past. But mental balance *is* an ongoing struggle isn't it? Takes effort just like everything else in life, but somehow we think it should be automatic and come easily.... (and no pills or crutches should be needed!).

Today when *my* anxiety appeared, I tried clenching my body hard, and saying to myself "I...AM...SO...ANXIOUS!"
Maybe similar to what Beany described doing. It did dissipate some of the nervous energy. Maybe same as a quick jog around the block, I don't know...

My sister has been in a hospital ER for the past two weeks.... .... It sounds awful but I almost think passing from Covid would be a better fate for her then what may actually happen.

SD - I'm so sorry that you've been put in the position of having to even think of these things, and deal with this! Awful.

I do a lot of meditation that involves staying in the present moment .........still long to go back to those times and places.

SD - Every day entails loss, but we don't usually think of it that way which is what makes all the difference, right? How to keep from getting sucked into the negative viewpoint? I've read so many stories about people who have suffered unimaginable loss, and yet kept going. What's the secret? Some kind of resilience.

Anyway, Please keep struggling and keep posting. You are a valued voice here.

SD

[rivergirl]

Thank you, SD. I appreciate all of your comments.

There's nothing anyone can say to change the outcome for my sister, but somehow your simple acknowledgement that it is an awful situation touched me and lessened the stigma/shame I feel about the situation.

Today I'm trying to give myself the grace of not feeling shame because I had a deep low this morning and called a mental health hotline. I followed the counselor's suggestion to go out for a walk, and using Oak's percentages, I'm maybe 5% more hopeful than I was before the call and walk.

I feel like my resilience tank has been near empty the past couple of months, but I suppose we all feel that way at times, and then somehow we find a way to keep on going.

Thanks again, SD, and wishing you a hopeful year ahead.

rg

[snoringdog]

Hello RG

Sometimes it's hard to always write in complete paragraphs, but don't want to wait, so please forgive me...

Thank you, SD. I appreciate all of your comments.

There's nothing anyone can say to change the outcome for my sister, but somehow your simple acknowledgement that it is an awful situation touched me and lessened the stigma/shame I feel about the situation.

Stigma & Shame - You're feeling like you're deficient or lesser in some way, right?
But understanding that it’s not your fault or the result of anything you did, and that you're doing your best, should be enough.

No one is judging you, that stuff is internal.
And *everyone* has troubles, they’re just not immediately visible.

Today I'm trying to give myself the grace of not feeling shame because I had a deep low this morning and called a mental health hotline. I followed the counselor's suggestion to go out for a walk, and using Oak's percentages, I'm maybe 5% more hopeful than I was before the call and walk.

This is really distressing to hear! But I’m glad you have the presence of mind to call, and there are people waiting to respond!
(In the past, at a low point I’d considered calling myself, and wondered what they’d say, or what *I* would say if I were in their place)

I feel like my resilience tank has been near empty the past couple of months, but I suppose we all feel that way at times, and then somehow we find a way to keep on going.

That’s right. We're all "Running on fumes". Sometimes need to step back, and just breathe... Try to turn off the ol’ noggin, even if only for a short time.

Thanks again, SD, and wishing you a hopeful year ahead.

Wishing the same for you

rg

[oak]

Look at you, demonstrating such courage to call the mental health hotline. Well done. Very well done indeed.

That said, I am of course sorry you are suffering so.

It is good to see you posting here. Do it as much as you need and want to. Hang in there.