strategy for hard days

[manuel_moe_g]

<<0>> i guess should "mourn" that don't have the whole day for napping & lounging around and internet browsing and watching Tik-Tok
not the healthiest
not practical
huge judgement there
use this as a mindful reward
<<1>> place phone away, out of sight
<<2>> 4 Elements + S-M-A-S-H
time limited
<<3>> when i catch myself <unintentionally> internet & smartphone browsing & scrolling
when there is a gap between stimulus and response
catch it with self-compassion
close my eyes
and visualize
(feeling in body)
do this visualization: leave little red wallpaper room, walk out door to outside to Alpine meadow with sky and mountain and river and field and trees, crisp air and warm sunshine, breath deeply, body feels good and expansive
when there is a gap between stimulus and response, close eyes, visualize, <choose> to walk outside room
[ spent many hours laying on couch and doing tik-tok ]
it is OK to catch it after
then use the "red wallpaper room" visualization to move from unintentional state to intentional state
<<4>> talk about visualization of making less intense my tasks that i have some hesitation about
long tasks
they are full of uncertainty
there may be some unprocessed emotions
scary mountain path
imagining i am an eagle and i can fly high above the mountain, looking at scary mountain path (that represents challenging task) from very high up
<<5>> visualization of the breaking-down part of the pre-task
<<6>> reward myself after get some things done, also breaks during the tasks
<intentional> rests
need timer
<choose> what want to intentionally do

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Manuel Moe

Isn’t it incredibly frustrating how we get sucked into media of the digital kind. Endless scrolling and assessment of others. Which then reflects on ourselves.
Having no Tick Tok or social media other than this I don’t really relate to that. The boys have it but I’ve never watched it. Mine is just the news on three platforms seem to be checking continuously.
I actually don’t even know why. Very annoying and addictive at times. The year before last I made a new year resolution and didn’t once look at the news. I was always the last to know!

[manuel_moe_g]

I just feel so worthless and lazy

but to make a change, i have to mourn the fact that i will not be indulging

be self-compassionate to the part of me that craves it

[snoringdog]

Remember that the social media and internet-advertising user interfaces and presentations are engineered (truly) to suck us in and take over our time. They are doing their jobs very well.

Lately after a browser upgrade, I started to get a "feed" of a mix of news stories and a lot of low grade but oh-so-masterfully-engineered and presented "click bait".

Who asked for this??? Not me.
("We're having trouble updating your feed" it sometimes tells me!)

What am I, a foie-gras subject? (An awful abuse of birds, by the way)
It's a distraction, and hard to ignore.

So don't feel bad that you get sucked in. The Ad Men are arrayed against us!

[oak]

Thank you for sharing, Manuel Moe.

[manuel_moe_g]

(thanks everyone for letting me indulge with a long post) being gentle with myself and self-compassionate, allowing myself to mourn the fact that my preferred way to bringing my anxiety all the way down (lying on couch while playing tik-tok!) is just not realistic or self-loving, asking Google for a random number to pick a task on my short list, doing the 4 grounding elements & Inflow S-M-A-S-H, have a visualization for my procrastination-inducing tasks (imagine that the task is a creepy mountain path, but I can always fly like an eagle and see the whole path from way up high), have some tools at the ready if I find myself smartphone scrolling despite my best efforts

[manuel_moe_g]

might do a mindmap all around grief and mourning about not being neurotypical and having dreams that are very hard & fraught to work on and the same situation with my responsibilities.

also around grief and mourning that cannot indulge my current favorite way to bring my anxiety all the way down: relaxing for hours on the couch while watching tik-tok

[Mental Fairy]

I hear you. Minus the social media part. It’s so bloody hard.

[manuel_moe_g]

two things i want to think about and work on

[1]

basically i have two modes: (a) zero anxiety feeling when i am lounging on the couch and watching tik-tok, and (b) anxiety feeling through-out my body when doing anything else

what is that all about?

no wonder i am addicted to lounging and watching tik-tok

can i carry relaxation into the rest of my life?

[2]

my subconscious brain is constantly pushing memories and thoughts into my conscious brain area. the memories and thoughts are: humiliating, shameful, painful, inspiring hopelessness, agonizing

i can't turn it off

what do i do to stay positive in the face of this? what can i do so that this affects me the least?

[snoringdog]

Hello Manny,

I can relate to your #2.

my subconscious brain is constantly pushing memories and thoughts into my conscious brain area. the memories and thoughts are: humiliating, shameful, painful, inspiring hopelessness,

And sometimes the thoughts produce physical sensations like a tingling in my limbs.

I guess with me, it's a combination of hypersensitivity (loud unexpected noises make me jump, and I have hyperacusis), along with what I'm coming to understand as a mild kind of obsessiveness (brain goes round-and-round in rumination) and Catholic-school-inspired-sense-of-guilt.

How can we separate the reactions produced by these uninvited thoughts and memories?

If it's something where I've wronged someone, an acknowledgement and apology should help, or if it's something I neglected or did poorly, a mental note to do better next time around, I guess.

Otherwise maybe just a recognition that it's my overactive brain just doing what it wants to do, and letting the thoughts pass by, like on a TV screen that you mentioned.

I haven't paid much attention to Tik-Tok.... What kind of stuff do you like to relax with?
Nothing wrong with that if it's edifying...