Downer reality, but two happy things I'm working on to take my life back.

[oak]

A downer reality
First happy thing I'm working on with my mental health counselor
Second happy thing I'm working on with my mental health counselor

A downer reality

While there are no hard feelings, unfortunately it looks like I'll be offering my two week's notice as soon as Wednesday and no later than this upcoming spring.

We have new leadership, and I'm not skilled in the (very reasonable) new priority for my professional role.

I like my boss and grandboss, but a new broom sweeps clean and the narrative is now that I'm less effective than I should be. Which is not wrong. Still, all in all it is increasingly clear I need to move on, for the good of everybody.

I fully recognize this situation, and put it into the "deal with later" mental-health-box. But enough downer stuff for now.

First happy thing I'm working on with my mental health counselor

Wracked, for good reason, with anxiety lately, my excellent mental health counselor suggested I work out some of this anxiety (because as the book says, the body keeps the score) by practicing my kettlebell rack-and-jerk.

(Edit to add: “rack and jerk” is a common kettlebell competition event. A quick YouTube search will demonstrate amply.)

I found, online, a 24-step process, complete with breathing instructions (my counselor is all about the breathing) for a kettlebell rack-and-jerk.

I'll post more about this soon. Right now we're working on getting me to the "rack" position, with proper breathing.

Second happy thing I'm working on with my mental health counselor

Perhaps related to my kettlebell efforts of 1.5 years, I've been flirted with twice recently, and froze in astonishment both times.

I am working with my counselor to prepare a little script.

Something like: "You seem cool. Would you like to meet for a coffee after work on Tuesday?"

(Note: I do not pursue women. Both of the examples above, astonishingly, they unobtrusively approached me while I was just going about my day.)

Summary

I don’t want my professional anxiety, real and justified as it is, to steal any more time/energy/life-force/spoons than it already has.

I am drawing a line. Kindly, but clearly: it is a line. A line of my choosing.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak, you would also note the breathing with yoga I'm sure. When you take the time to tune into the breathing it seems even more of a miracle that we do this without thinking and take it for granted.

I am pleased your drawing lines, you have had trouble with your work over these recent weeks more than I think you’re letting on.
Proud you’re making changes such as this and wish for you to find a role that gets you excited to get up for each day.

When it comes to courting of a potential partner please smile and eye contact is key. Really hoping you find someone whom accepts you and appreciates you, as this is what you really deserve.

[oak]

I am pleased your drawing lines, you have had trouble with your work over these recent weeks more than I think you’re letting on.
Proud you’re making changes such as this and wish for you to find a role that gets you excited to get up for each day.

Word, my friend.

Thank you for your encouragement, and for your post about your duck plan. I am very pleased by these fowl plans (ha!) into 2023. Please do post a photo when their new home is complete. Also, good luck with your running. While a 5K wasn't in the cards for me this year, I am going to nidra yoga tonight in your honor, Mental Fairy.

Well friends, I spoke with my mental health counselor today, and here is the plan we agreed upon for what remains of 2022:

1. Try not to quit, if at all possible, until the new year.
2. Wind down my full-sugar pop, so I can reach my modest and reasonable weight goal (and, not so coincidentally, so I can be in a lighter weight class for my April Zoom kettlebell competition!).
3. Practice my kettlebell motions, especially focused on breath.
4. Build my professional skills.

More updates soon!

[manuel_moe_g]

wow, a great plan! going to enter into 2023 with a great deal of positive momentum!

[Mental Fairy]

Oak, I’ve been thinking.

If you come across a person whom is interested in you and showing the signs. I believe the best approach is a flattering compliment and maybe start up a bit of banter that makes her smile.

I know it’s hard to show confidence but be yourself and let it flow. You will know at the time what’s right to say.

[oak]

Manuel Moe, thank you! I hope you are doing well, my friend

Mental Fairy, hi! Two thoughts:

1. Thank you for the recommendation. I’ll be sure to post here promptly if such a happy happening happens.

2. I thought of you and your yoga encouragement tonight at slow flow yoga:

For the first time ever, at yoga, it felt natural. Effortless.

Said another way, the “commentator” in my mind was just… not there. I was just present. For once I didn’t have to be, or not be. I just was.

After months of self-conscious struggle on the yoga mat, I was just me. Would you believe the hour-long class seemed to pass in five effortless minutes?

[manuel_moe_g]

Kickass! A sign you are on the right path!

[Beany Boo]

That’s awesome news Oak.

Now you have new evidence!

Way to go

[rivergirl]

Congratulations on the yoga session, Oak!

Also congratulations on setting reasonable goals for the rest of the year. Picture me/us on the sidelines cheering you on.

rg

[oak]

Thank you Manuel Moe, Beany Boo, and RiverGirl!

Well, friends, a brief update:

This week I realized part of my trouble at work was my fault.

There are indeed structural, cultural, deeply broken processes that I can’t fix… long term.

While I can’t fix the long term issues, I can:

1. Be a little more diligent with time on task in the short term (through January 1)

2. Which will buy me time so I can build my skills in the medium term (through mid-spring)…

3. So I can get a fully remote job (early summer, hopefully), and move on to the next stage in my life.

I have plans for 2023 and beyond, friends, and this current job won’t get me there. No hard feelings, just facing facts.