Sleep hygiene in January: last two weeks of this month.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Heeding the suggestion of our good friend Mental Fairy, having had something of a breakdown- certainly something like burnout- I am focusing on three things for the rest of January: meal prepping for the week (avoiding HALT), doing "something fun" (tba!), and sleep hygiene.

Regarding my initial plans for sleep hygiene:

My first goal is to (a) have screens off at 9 pm each night, including weekends and (b) go to bed at 10.

Accomplishing this, which may take the whole two weeks, would have me naturally waking up at 6 am.

Currently, I am arriving late into the office each non-WFH work day, falling me behind in my job, which is itself currently in a moderate crisis. Arriving ten minutes early, and starting work at the specified time, would go a long way to getting me enough time on task to mitigate at least two of my ongoing work crises.

Said another way, doomscrolling Reddit for (on average) 4.5 hours a day* is not working for me. Mindlessly scrolling Wikipedia until 1 am is not working for me.

I am open to any suggestions for improving sleep hygiene. I'll share ups and downs in the coming days.

You all are also welcome to share your January sleep struggles and victories.

I'll offer an update most days, with steps taken and sleep/wake/work arrival times.


* Yes, I know this is bad. I am working with my mental health counselor on this.

[Mental Fairy]

Oak, if you have apple phone and I assume others can also do this, set a sleep mode. I have done that and I love it.

No sounds will come through, you put the phone down and walk away. I pop mine in the drawer. Out of sight out of mind.

Find a new distraction? I know this is daft but I did adult colouring books to slow the mind down. Worked well. Now my niece and I both do this together every Sunday avo.

Books? Educational docos? I unsure if a little walk before bed would be safe. We have a neighbour whom walks the block before bed to clear his head of dust mites he says!

Start writing a diary/book!

Took me ages to get the bed time sorted. It’s the staying in/on/close to/in vicinity of bed that’s my problem.

You’re going to know what works for you. I do know if I’m not in or on the bed by 8pm I’m a shit to be around the next day.

I’m guessing you’re going to benefit from sleeping slightly upright to take pressure off airway?

I’m interested to hear how you get on, I just know I wonder how everyone is when I wake up and go back to sleep. I’m a worry wart.

Hope this helps

[oak]

Mental Fiary!

1. Such powerful posts in your Trauma thread. Thank you for sharing.

2. Yes!

In addition to sleep mode (which is just effected), I have come up with a distraction method just five minutes before I read your lovely thread above, which will get me closer to the third goal listed above (“something fun”):

Latin dance.

Do I suck at it?

Yes.

Would it vastly improve my chances to be around feminine energy, especially at the upcoming drinks/dancing event for young professionals at the nearby world-class museum?

Yes.

As an experienced swing dancer, I’ve found women to be very forgiving for leads (the term for [usually] male dance partners) who are inexperienced at any specific dance. Salsa, say, or bachata or tango. They are eager to dance, and forgiving.

Example: I can swing all day, but am stiff and unnatural at bachata.

So, I have two weeks until the drinks/dancing after-work dress up fancy event, and can replace some doomscrolling with modest practice of Latin dance basics. This is what I can distract myself with, per your excellent advice.

Especially since they seem to favor world-music musicians (who are, of course, amazing).

While I’m winding down today (Monday), I’ll see if I can re-teach myself the bachata basic tomorrow.

Thank you for the recommendation, Mental Fairy!

[oak]

Hi friends.

My first I did pretty well.

I spoke with my doctor and we agreed that the first step to try to fight my brain fog is to try again with sleep apnea mitigation methods.

I can't live like this. I'd say more about our sleep apnea plans (this is a "we" program), but I exhausted. More details soon!

Also, I find it interesting that our dear friends Manuel Moe and Mental Fairy also struggle with sleep.

[Mental Fairy]

Oak, First and foremost please please please remove the word can't.

Yes you can. You will live and you will learn ways to live with and around this condition. There is no shame in feeling like you can't. Yes sleep is shocking for a few of us and in so many ways. I do feel embarrassed about my sleep issues, very frustrated and extremely hard on the body. The more stressed i am the more i sleep talk, yell, screen, laugh, cry, mutter and walk. Last night i was in a forest in a house where Joe was feeding Mazie chilli noodles and she was crying. I woke up in the kitchen with a hand full of cat food. I then went back to bed to find i had put cat food on the bed. So for the third time this week i have to clean the bed sheet of cat food. I did wonder why she gained some weight over summer.

The temperature of your bedroom also might be something to look at? The temp of the bed sheets in seasons. I am not sure how you would feel about this but i am going to say this anyway, forgive me please.....If your going to bed or waking in a messy room, unkept or uncared for room you might wake with a feeling of anxiousness. I am saying this as it is something i noted myself but also with Matt. We found when he goes to bed and wakes up in a clean and clear tidy bedroom he felt better during his exams. He didn't seem so flustered. There is that notion of the surrounding home representing your internal world.

We good this tip above about the room by a book called 'Make Your Bed, Willam H Mc Raven. I saw his you tube speech and then i saw he had a book out. Matt then saw it and we tried his suggestions. What a difference it made to Matt. Bit of a mindset shift.
I know if i wake up to a messy bedroom i get anxious. When i have this clean relaxing space with low lighting i feel more at peace. Then i close my eyes and shit hits the fan!!!! But that's ok, i am dealing with it, i am aware of it and it makes me more interesting Matt said! He said i provide great nighttime entertainment if he can't sleep!!!

Just a little thought. If you would like the book i can send it over to you or you should be able to download it or at least see his speech. I strongly suggest reading the book. One of my top 10.

[oak]

Oak, First and foremost please please please remove the word can't.
Yes you can. You will live and you will learn ways to live with and around this condition.

Well said, Mental Fairy. I was a bit imprecise in my wording, which I hope to correct here. Contrary to what I actually wrote, here is what I meant:

a. Yes, I can live and overcome this sleep apnea. All ideas are on the table, there is nothing I won't try immediately, and I look forward to walking arm-in-arm with my good friends in this forum as we overcome this together.

b. What I can't live with any more: crushing loneliess, working poverty, my hated commute. I am headed to a (or another) breakdown in 2023 if I don't make considerable progress in having more fun in life.

This is such a deep and upsetting issue that it deserves its own thread.

I also have every reason for hope for more fun in 2023, in addition to every hope for overcoming sleep apnea.

The temperature of your bedroom also might be something to look at? The temp of the bed sheets in seasons. I am not sure how you would feel about this but i am going to say this anyway, forgive me please.....If your going to bed or waking in a messy room, unkept or uncared for room you might wake with a feeling of anxiousness.

Word.

I'm open to any idea, and will begin effecting this suggestion tonight.

We good this tip above about the room by a book called 'Make Your Bed, Willam H Mc Raven.

Word.

I immediately downloaded it from the Libby app, and will check it out tonight.

One of my top 10.

Cool!

[Mental Fairy]

Will be interesting to know what you think about the book!

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak

Said another way, doomscrolling Reddit for (on average) 4.5 hours a day* is not working for me. Mindlessly scrolling Wikipedia until 1 am is not working for me.

Manny has mentioned this, and I'm guilty of it too, sometimes. Though there is so much good to be got from Wikipedia (I donate), and some of the threads on Reddit, like these;

https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/
https://www.reddit.com/r/HumansBeingBros/

https://www.reddit.com/r/birding/
https://www.reddit.com/r/whatsthisbird/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Ornithology/
https://www.reddit.com/r/duck/

It's a matter of intention going in.
"What am I looking for. What can I learn?

Or, if just for fun or relaxation (which is certainly valid), setting a timer.

I do find online reading to be more soporific than printed text, and that's a bit of a problem

[oak]

@Mental Fairy: I’m enjoying the book! There is lots of wisdom in it.

@Snoring Dog: Thank you for the timer idea. I’ve installed one.

Friends, I had a breakdown Thursday (a panic attack, and needed to leave work for a few days).

I’m happy to report that I’ve already taken direct action to mitigate my sleep apnea since Thursday.

I’m redoubling my sleep hygiene efforts tonight:

1. Screens off:

a. I have a phone alarm set for 9 pm so I can switch from screens to print book.

b. While there’d be little harm in watch the late NFL playoff game if I was particularly interested in it, I am more interested the earlier game. This is a low-stakes chance to live by principles.

2. Suggested bedroom habits:

a. Per Mental Fairy’s suggestion, I have corrected my bedroom’s cleanliness, and been careful to mitigate temperature fluctuations.

In summary

In the next three months I want/need to cure my sleep apnea and change careers.

Sleep hygiene is the most important supporting step I can effect to accomplish these two fine goals.

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak,

There are many suggestions in this thread that I've also used and found helpful. I'm impressed how quickly you've started implementing some of them despite the difficulties you're experiencing. Everything is so connected with mind/body/spirit that it's hard to know where to start the repair process when you have a setback, but I can tell that you're already on your way.

A couple more suggestions:

Our old friend Adriene's pre-bedtime yoga videos. I've also found youtube videos on yoga & stretching routines that can actually be done IN bed, good for when you're exhausted but also have insomnia.

I resisted this for a long time, but a coworker convinced me that I should try "sleep stories" since they've helped him with chronic insomnia. I've tried ones on a couple of different meditation apps. The Insight Timer app has a lot of free content. The ones I've found most effective tend to be not really stories, but more guided imagery about being in certain safe environments: a cozy old bookshop in Paris, a cottage in the woods on a rainy night, etc.

This might sound even more silly, but when I was going to a divorce support group it was suggested to sleep with a body pillow or even a stuffed animal on nights when it was difficult to sleep. I was again very resistant to this idea, but a friend in the group gave me a sort of stuffed cat pillow that was filled with lavender, and I did find it comforting to hold on to him some nights or just to have him on my bed.

Wishing both you and MF a good night's rest.

rg