“Nihilism”/burnout (eg Lucy pulling the football): effort doesn’t matter at work.

[oak]

I know I’m mis-using the word “nihilism”, but here goes:

I am burnt out at my job.

Said another way, it doesn’t matter, in two specific projects that are a basic responsibility in my job, if I am diligent or not diligent, if I spend effort or don’t care. Nothing changes, nothing is resolved*.

Much like the old Charlie Brown cartoons, Lucy will pull the football at the last second.

This situation, unresolved from January, was the precipitating/proximate cause of my nervous breakdown then.

A little wiser since then, I have some preliminary plans to mitigate this:

1. Get up and go for a walk around the office building.

2. Hydrate.

3. Scroll the great Indeed app for postings to apply for when I return home tonight. (Done! I found two interesting job openings.)

3. Move and stretch.

4. Let go of the outcome. (In practice: offer to resign, since my actions don’t matter.)

In conclusion

I’m not sure if I believe any of the above, friends.

I do know that it is *some* sort of plan. I didn’t have *any* plans/options six weeks ago, and I ended up in the soup.

Thanks for listening! I’ll post more soon.


*This asterisk is a note to myself: things never got resolved in my family of origin, either. Likewise,I had a “missing missing reasons” talk with my boss about all this in November, to no avail.

Lesson: if things are at the point of a missing missing reasons talk, it is already too broken to fix. More soon.

[manuel_moe_g]

Actually, this seems like a very fine 4 part plan

What about the plan fills you with doubt?

Maybe add micro-meditations?

https://medium.com/curious/20-micro-meditations-to-transform-your-day-in-under-1-minute-9e31301bc7c6

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Glad you're navigating this.

It strange to think of a business, when a process isn't working, not trying to solve the problem.
They just keep throwing more people at it?

NEXT!

[oak]

@Manuel Moe: thank you for the recommendation. I'll check it out this evening.

It strange to think of a business, when a process isn't working, not trying to solve the problem.
They just keep throwing more people at it?

@SnoringDog: I am the tenth person in as many years in this position, and the only one to last more than a few months.

Friends, a happy update!

1. Soon after posting this, I simply gave up on this mishigas project, and did other stuff.

2. I vented to my buddy in the next office. He listened carefully, commiserated, and gave me an amazing cookie. A true work friend.

3. I got a call for a preliminary interview for a similar position I applied for Sunday night. Remember how I said my position is a niche of a niche? There are only so many skills to learn in my position, and anyone who has my position can quickly get up and running with the same position elsewhere.

4. I went to HIIT fitness class after work.

What I'm getting at: faced with the exact same mishigas, I bounced back much sooner this time. Though it is hard to say, I suppose I learned something from that nervous breakdown: my life is easier when I have options.