January EAP: five sessions with new counselor.

[oak]

Friends, especially Troebia and Mental Fairy (thank you for your insight!), I had my first session with my second counselor.

It went, of course, great.

She was everything the first counselor wasn't: focused on me (and not her narrative), focused on the very specific goal/issue I detailed, gave me specific actionable things to do to face this specific anxiety.

I'll post this weekend about the effects of effecting her suggestions.

In the meantime, the lesson I've learned: don't hesitate to drop therapists who suck.

[troebia]

I'm happy it's working out for you, Oak! Also curious to know what "brand" of therapy techniques she's using.

[Mental Fairy]

Yay, that’s good news to start my day with. So pleased

[oak]

Thanks to Mental Fairy
Thanks to Troebia
Plan for session 4 of 5 on Wednesday

Thanks to Mental Fairy

Thank you for your encouragement, Mental Fairy!

Also, while I know your hand is in acute situation now, once you feel better there are some wonderful grip exercises. Maybe we can be dynamometer buddies later this year, as we build our grip strength.

Thanks to Troebia

1. Troebia, thank you for the Battle of the Bulge podcast rec. It was just what I needed today.

2. Regarding this new therapist's brand, we didn't have time to discuss it at our first session, but we may well discuss that Wednesday.

Plan for session 4 of 5 on Wednesday

Friends, my fourth of five sessions is the day after tomorrow Wednesday. It will be my second session with this new counselor.

Our first session was an unqualified success.

She cared, she focused, and we came up with three practical relaxation/affirmation actions I could effect when facing procrastination/anxiety. I have effected these, and accomplished more in the last week than I had in the previous two months. I did not suffer at all.

Anxiety is a weird, tricky thing.

Edit to add:

In addition to building my professional skills, I've used it to pick up my guitar. With a little luck and practice, in a week or two I'll post the first two lines of my fingerpicking version of Leonhard von Call's Adagio.

[Mental Fairy]

Your post made me smile. You’re on a good pain Oak.

[oak]

Thanks for the encouragement, Mental Fairy!

Friends, I had the second of three sessions with my short-term counselor, and it went well. I have a path forward.

Troebia, she and I discussed Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning". So the brand/school is technically logotherapy, and in practice finding meaning in the absurdities and difficulties of life.

Here is how I might summarize our sessions:

1. First session: Relaxation and affirmation techniques to reduce anxiety when experiencing procrastination when completing a specific online tutorial for a critical professional skill.

2. Second session: Having overcome procrastination in one specific anxiety, list all anxieties/difficulties for a larger issue.

Example: I want to apply for x specific job at y specific employer and they require z specific skill.

I can then break down this big goal (apply for a specific job) into constituent parts (sub-goals?), and then use the anti-procrastination method I learned in session one to overcome each "sub-goal". eg: I can overcome my procrastination of completing the online tutorial, then I can overcome my procrastination of actually applying for the job, etc.

(I consider each of these something of a "mid"-goal: finances, fitness, dating, friends, etc.)

3. Third session: We can discuss cobbling these "mid" goals into a meaningful life.

Example: My improved financial situation gets me back to the gym, I meet someone cool, and I can afford to take her out on a date. This is a good start to a meaningful life.

While my current life (broke and lonely) has meaning, just like Frankl I dream of a better life. Am I willing to face my anxieties and work for it?

I hope all that makes sense!

[Mental Fairy]

Makes perfect and beautiful sense to me my friend.

[troebia]

Oh! Oak, you have a logotherapist to add to your collection. I already had one, some years ago What bugged me most about logotherapy is that it hinges on "meaning", as if what you think and do somehow should be defendible to make sense. Lots of external things don't have "meaning" either but you have to deal with it. Also, something that is totally mindless may be just right in a certain moment. We already have moral codes for "meaning" and I personally don't need another structure hanging over me. Anyhow I may be biased since I'm not a believer.

I agree with the general direction of the advice, but a bit wary about tiered sub-approaches. Imo one can slowly improve on multiple fronts at the same time. With your communication skills and your personality there is nothing holding you back from "back burner" no-stakes dating maybe once a month. You are evolving and that is attractive in itself! No fancy restaurants needed, just a coffee and conversation, and hopefully an interesting encounter. Also, why spend money on a gym when you could simply walk and do routines without equipment, and eat healthier.

[troebia]

I've reread my latest comment here and I would like to apologise. Just because I have chosen existential nihilism as a way of coping with life, doesn't mean that I have the right to make judgements of others or recommend they take a similar (godless) approach.

[oak]

I've reread my latest comment here and I would like to apologise. Just because I have chosen existential nihilism as a way of coping with life, doesn't mean that I have the right to make judgements of others or recommend they take a similar (godless) approach.

Troebia, hello.

No need to apologize!

In fact, I took your advice to heart. While my life is unusually grim here in late January, when things get better in early March I'll need to do just as you suggested: try new things, make more of the considerable resources I have, and take a chance when life/opportunity presents itself. I'll post more about this when happier times come in about a month.

For now I'm in a bit of a funk/katabasis/slide down Maslow's hierarchies, but life will turn around.

In addition to the short-term counseling, that same day I also (1) had a difficult but needed talk with my boss about my job performance, and (2) Zoomed with the kind research study coordinator regarding the ChatGPT weight loss pilot study. That is a lot of one's foibles to lay bare on one day.