Father’s death.

[oak]

Mental Fairy and Troebia, thank you for your encouragement. I hope you're both doing well.

Manuel Moe, likewise, thank you.

And yes, I am wholly open to any ideas/suggestions/thoughts/actions. I'd greatly appreciate anything you'd be willing to share.

(Also, I was just thinking about your ChatGPT posts: I have a Zoom with the ChatGPT weight-loss study coordinator this afternoon. AI is already changing mental and behavioral health.)

[manuel_moe_g]

In essence, a person who never could give true affection is easily forgotten.

So sorry you had this experience. You deserve much better.

[manuel_moe_g]

And yes, I am wholly open to any ideas/suggestions/thoughts/actions. I'd greatly appreciate anything you'd be willing to share.

On my journey, i came to the conclusion that the same allowance that i wanted women to give to me, to see my specialness that was hidden by my outer appearance and my awkwardness, logically, i would have to give that same allowance <back> to the women that i would meet.

I am <not> going to write all the lessons i have learned in a single place. It is best absorbed bit by bit.

[oak]

Thank you, Manuel Moe. I'll look forward to more.

Friends, I returned to the office yesterday, and my coworkers were so kind and warm.

Also, I've found something paradoxical, but maybe expected:

1. While I am not eating compulsively or gluttonously, I am eating ravenously and suddenly. My body is craving food, and immediately spiraling my anxiety if not satiated immediately.

2. My weight is going down.

Though I hate to admit it, my life is getting back to its regularly scheduled crises and anxieties.

But as I know all too well, grief will always show up, at any moment.

In the meantime, I am holding on, day to day.

Edit:

Friends, I am especially sad and anxious today.

I am also craving salt.

[manuel_moe_g]

As tantalizing a prospect as getting into a romantic relationship is, please work on accepting yourself and then loving yourself before entering a romantic relationship

I didn’t, and thus I tolerated in my partner disrespect of myself and lack of acceptance of important parts of myself

It is understandable to sacrifice important parts of yourself to gain something you craved for a lifetime, but as you continue to grow because you are a seeker, it leads to painful realizations about the fundamental nature of your romantic relationship

Painful and shameful to admit

[troebia]

As tantalizing a prospect as getting into a romantic relationship is, please work on accepting yourself and then loving yourself before entering a romantic relationship

That's normally sound advice, but my first half-serious chaotic relationships were crucial in pulling me out of early mental confusion and depression. They could never have lasted but they put me on track. What do I really want and need from the other person and what do they want and need from me? Rarely we would coincide or even know how to communicate. Once I was able to be fully sincere although it meant the end of a relationship, I became capable of a true loving relationship.

[oak]

Hi friends.

I am grateful to have off work today, because I am crabby and tetchy.

Today/this weekend my only goals are to eat, shower, read romance short stories about marriages of convenience in pioneer days*, and play video games.

Now seems like a good time to pull away from society and other expectations for a few days.

Tuesday I’ll return to the office, but for now I’ll just be.


*Yes, these are a thing, and very wholesome. Everyone tries their best, especially in chaotic and stressful situations. The characters are so generous to each other.

[oak]

Hi friends.

I continue to have good days and bad days. Sometimes I can't move from the grief.

Today I showered and shaved, vacuumed, and am about to have some pasta before the bluegrass radio show comes on. So that's a good day, for me, nowadays. I'm grateful for the above, and grateful for you all, as I hope I can express below.

About my participation with this forum, going forward

While I appreciate, so deeply, the comfort and encouragement this forum has given me for 10+ years, I am entering a season of really looking at how I'm living. I am pulling way back, during this very difficult 2023 and 2024. There's a time for everything, and I see my time in this forum as complete. I don't want to just disappear, so I'm posting this.

While I won't be posting, I do send wishes for a happy spring/summer to everyone, and a happy winter to Mental Fairy.

[troebia]

Oak, I wish you well.
🩷🩵🩶

[rivergirl]

Dear Oak,

I'm not sure you'll see this, but I too am wishing you well always. I'm sorry that I was absent from the forum for such a long time, and that I missed being of any support while friends here were going through so many challenges.

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your father, especially with the added pain of family estrangement.

Sending much love.

rivergirl