Everything is wrong

[Lucy]

Everything couldn't be more wrong if I actually tried. All my relationships are gone. I feel like I am always there to help others and yet always getting the shaft myself. The one that has me down currently is my 'best friend'/roommate. She has a new bf who is trying to freeze me out. I've known both of them for 8 years, we all went to school together. They are back together now that he is out of prison and she has lost herself. She is so wrapped up in trying to keep him that she doesn't care what happens to me. I helped her after her suicide attempt and helped her get used to civilian life again. She would shut down, just completely. Standing in a corner like a kid in trouble every time there was any stress. I made huge compensations for her mental illness. Even though she was going to school, she hasn't cooked or cleaned for herself in 4 years. I've lost friends because they didn't want to come over and deal with her depression which manifests as poor hygiene. She would not bathe, do laundry, or clean her room or even brush her teeth. People would recoil from her. They would tell at me and tell me to do something about it like it was my responsibility and no one would say anything to her. When we moved she was useless. She didn't pack or help me clean the apt. Again she just sat on the couch. When we moved it didn't get any better. We went from a huge two bedroom apt to a tiny studio. Even though I had to step up further and start actually getting her to care about hygiene. I organized laundry mat trips and tried to politely point out when she needed to clean herself. It's been very stressful. She would t get up when we moved except to go to school for well over a year. But now that her bf is out of prison (I had to go pick him up) and staying in our tiny apartment she's acting like this wasn't a huge burden to me and that she's been perfect this whole time. She is just a mini version if her dumb bf now. As soon as he got here he was a ball of frustration and after telling him nicely many times to go do something with himself or to not touch things until he knows how we do things, he's decided I'm too much of a bitch so even though we all had a plan to move out together- a combination of me, a female, telling him, a make what to do and his complete unwillingness to talk about anything or even 'share' his gf with her bff/ person caring for her for the last 4 years. I don't know how many times I've said 'relationships aren't a competition, so why are you trying to make it one?' I'm so mad at him I keep wishing his sleep apnea will kill him and I would happily call it in.

[lawlessness45]

Wow. That sounds incredibly frustrating. I'm so sorry for the frustration, stress and exhaustion you are experiencing. I am in awe of the amount of kindness you have shows your room mate. You sound like a person with a big heart and a lot to offer humanity and the people around her. I just want to encourage you. You are a person of value and worth. You deserve better than this. Please be kind to yourself and hang in there.