admitting there may be a problem

[manuel_moe_g]

For me it was my breakdown at age 25 - I couldn't defend my ego anymore and I didn't have an identity worth defending and protecting. During my "normal" times, I knew I was on the path to suicide. It was all happening at the same time - nothing left to lose, tired of defending my ego, knew I was on path to suicide - so I was able to get help. Now I don't give a good-god-damn who knows it, if some sucker gets in my way of my helping myself, I will mow them over.

[BecomingKind]

There are no normal people.

Psych-ward? Fuck. That's a trauma in its own right. That's why I'd never agree to anyone else's definition of what I might "have" or "be". I decide how I feel and what I am.

Have you listened to Alycia Schlesinger's episode? At about 42 minutes in:

A: ... it was most productive for me and my day to stay at home and do five hours of emotional release work, than to try and go be at work or do any of that
P: I can't even wrap my head around that ... Five hours of emotional release work?
A: I didn't set a regiment. I didn't go; well I'm gonna do five hours. There's technique called "free form writing". It's sitting down and allowing whatever comes forward in your consciousness to just come foward.
P: Nice.
A: No matter what it looks like, anger, sadness ...
P: ... and it can be scary. It can be scaary. Dark scary.
A: All of that

A: Once you feel an emotion, that emotional experience represents a certain pattern, it will never come through you again in the same way. It's gone. It's released.
P: Yeah. It doesn't have the power that it had before.
A: No! No ...

A: I would just write and write and write and write ... And I would write until I broke through. Where I could feel in my body that there was a shift.
A: It's like letting it out and letting it go. Free form writing, you put pen to paper and you don't lift the pen.
A: You don't read it. You burn it.

She's not more crazy than you? So, maybe try that.

Hm, I was off food-supplements for a few months. I've had some bad thoughts recently, about self-worth, and done unexplainable stupid things. Maybe the brain slowly cannibalises itself when it runs out of nutrients. Are you taking vitamins and omega-3? Stay away from sugar.