Family has PTSD

[AZdogmom]

I just finished listening to the Thorn's on the podcast. And I have so many swirlling thoughts.

My father also served in Vietnam. And I believe he also suffers from PTSD. I say believe, because he's not been diagonsed and won't be, because he is a proud career military man. Stating that the military affected him adversely is not something he's capable of doing. I also think that growing up as 1 of 13 children of 2 poor alcoholics also contributed if not caused this PTSD.

I then married a man with PTSD. My husband served in t he first Gulf War in the 90's. This wave of combat isn't discussed much, and definatly not by him.

My experiences with each of these men is obviously different, but difficult and painful equally. My father and I fought (and fight) all through my childhood. Jesse's stories of his father being combative with him truely hit home...except I would argue back. Every xmas since I was 9 my father would turn to me and say "why do you hate the family". This would start a verbal brawl between us leaving me sobbing and wishing I didn't live there. I moved out when I was 18 and that was the first year I didn't brawl back at xmas. I just calmly told him I didn't accept his treating me this way and left. (therapy at college helped) I had a safe home to go to and this made me brave. My husband is the opposite. He is extremely tender and kind. He's very soft spoken and slooooooow to anger. But he has severe intimacy issues and constantly battles with me passive aggressivly. Witholding attention and physical affection. closing me out at every turn.

So I do therapy. and blame myself. and compromise my life. We are adopting a baby because we can't get pregnant. Because we've had sex 1x in the last 5 years. It's especially hard because I also have depression and anxiety. Caused by my childhood with PTSD dad? chemical? who knows.

This post sounds awful and I feel it is hateful. But I'm not. I love these men in my life, and the compromises work most times. I just felt compelled to write after the Thorn's episode. I wish there was a way I could get my father or my husband to listen. Thank you for letting me write this. I am not looking for repsonses.

[Paul Gilmartin]

AZdogmom,

Thank you for sharing such intimate parts of your life with us. Its great that you're focusing on your recovery and not waiting for other people to change. Welcome to the forum!

Paul