I saw this post and it sounds like you are overwhelmed.I find parenting to be extremely difficult. As a mom to a 13 year old with possible depression or maybe it's just adolescence I battle with having patience, not yelling, and just wanting to check out entirely sometimes.
Parenting a 13 year old girl is very hard, those hormones hit and the girl-group meanies hit harder and they have to keep so much inside and yeah, they vent like hell and take it out on mom.
I am sure your husband is a good guy but when I see posts about checking out, that he could raise her alone, I must speak:
if he loves you at all, he would be in shock and grief and pain and guilt..and in no condition to raise a 13 year old who would be going thru one of the most difficult times in her own life.
And she would miss you at each milestone - graduations, dates, her own children unless she felt, gosh being a mom is so bad that my mom killed herself or worse, I was so bad my mom killed herself.
Great legacy to leave a kid if you really really want to mess them up.
Depression aside, if you are that depressed, and I hope you are seeing a therapist, you also need help - someone to take over more of the burden while you heal, and if you can, get away for a vacation and if you can't do some other things that soothe and that boost your sense of purpose and self love because the best thing you can do for your daughter is to simply be there for her with love. in the end, that is the most important thing, not the shopping or homework help or whatever.
and be there for yourself, too. just hug yourself and love yourself and give yourself permission to take it one day at a time, thirteen doesn't last forever.