a repost from the diary section

[duck1]

Hi,

I was really looking for some input about my "problem", so I am posting it here as well as in my diary. Hope someone can relate and shed some light.

I have a feeling that I am not seeing a big part of the picture.

So here goses:


How do i explain when the day comes to my baby (3 years and 9 months) that I don't want anymore children. There are so many reasons and they all make me look so vaulenerable? Will the answers make her think that I didn't want her?
I am overwhelemed by parenting (washing bottles, the endless energy of children, lanudry)_.
While hubby makes a lot of money, my salary is below average and will probably never be high?
That I took prozac during pregnancy and although she came out healthy and smart, I don't want to do this experiment again?
That I probably will not breastfeed (because of the prozac) and I am very pro-breastfeeding?
That I am overweigt, my mom died of diabetes, and I don't want to gain even more weight during pregnancy and have diffuclty losing weight and maintaing a healthy diet after the pregnancy- due to fatigue, lack of time to exercsie and prepare healty food.

If i were to give a completly honest answer it would be.
"Sweety, I love you, you are my angel. Mommy finds adult life overwheleming, just being rational, planning ahead, putting other people needs before mine. She is also moody and needs a lot of time for herself for sleep, exercise. SHe also doesn't make a lot of money.

Therefore, she concluded after having you, that she has limited resources for parenting, and because it was so important for her to raise you properly, she decided she could not have another child".

Thanks for listening.

[angerKa]

Dear duck1,
I can totally relate to you. I'm also mom, who's having a hard time with parenting. My daughter 8 years old now, and the older she gets the harder this parenting struggle become for me. Now, I re-married to the wonderful man, who wants children of his own. And I'm scared and not ready, and not sure if I ever will be ready. Struggling with being overweight has A LOT to do with my fears. I don't want to gain another pound!
One thing I can tell for sure: do not put your adult issues and fears on your child! If your kid is asking you: "Why mommy don't have another baby?" you don't have to explain to your child as if he/she is your therapist. You can just say that you are not ready yet.
I hope you are getting help with your depression. I fight with this demon myself. Last thing I wanted for my daughter is to live with depressed mother, but this is who I am, and I have to get better and be emotionally available for my girl. In a mean time - i just try not to put on her tiny shoulders my baggage, i try to not unleash my demons from the past, i'm sure she'll have her own!
Dear duck1 mommy, you are not alone! You are heard and seeing here.
Sending you a huge hug!

[duck1]

Hi angerKa,

Thank you very much for listening and giving me a perspective.

[Jamie1982]

I feel the same way you do. At times, I like the idea of having more kids but do not think I could keep up with more than one child. I have a seven year old daughter and at times feel like a failure as a Mother, especially when the depression hits.

[duck1]

Thank you very much for writing that Jamie1982.

[Mindful Mel]

Being a mom is hard. Being a mom with a chronic illness is even harder. Give yourself credit for all of the things you are doing for your daughter, knowing how hard it is for you. When the time comes you can explain that you were sick and not able to have another baby.