Let's try this again

[ghughes1980]

Ok so I've tried wording this a few times over the past week and it doesn't seem to ever come out right. I'm having a terrible time muscle wise as of late. It's driving me a bit bananas and my mental health is going along for the ride too.
I'm back in the mode where I want the offending parts hacked off and that scares me a bit. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and I feel I must purge these feelings right now before I go and do something stupid or dangerous.
I'm venting this is not ideation this is frustration I just want to talk to these feelings and hopefully work through them. I am rational and in no way is this to be construed at actionable though ok so please don't take this as anything more than a conversation with me and my thoughts.
Here goes:

If my hand and my brain don't start making friends I will kill them!
If my hand and my brain don't start making friends I will kill them!
If my hand and my brain don't start making friends I will kill them!
If my hand and my brain don't start making friends I will kill them!

If my leg and foot don't stop twitching I will hit them until I feel nothing!
If my leg and foot don't stop twitching I will hit them until I feel nothing!
If my leg and foot don't stop twitching I will hit them until I feel nothing!
If my leg and foot don't stop twitching I will hit them until I feel nothing!

I will take a spoon to my eye and scoop the bastard right out, throw it to the ground and stomp on it!
I will take a spoon to my eye and scoop the bastard right out, throw it to the ground and stomp on it!
I will take a spoon to my eye and scoop the bastard right out, throw it to the ground and stomp on it!
I will take a spoon to my eye and scoop the bastard right out, throw it to the ground and stomp on it!


These thoughts do not control me they will pass through me and wash away like the ocean tide.
These thoughts do not control me they will pass through me and wash away like the ocean tide.
These thoughts do not control me they will pass through me and wash away like the ocean tide.
These thoughts do not control me they will pass through me and wash away like the ocean tide.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain."