Sexually abused by someone younger than myself

[Avidiva55]

I am currently in intense weekly therapy. I don't know if anyone else has had this type of experience, but I feel like most of the literature and psycholical community and my family doesn't validate my experience or consider it abuse. I was severely bullied from the time I was 7 or 8 until 12. The perpetrators were twin girls, the daughters of my bishop at church and, supposedly my " best friends ". TRIGGER WARNING: They would show me dead animals ( not that they had killed, but ones that had been hit by cars, etc. ), one of them threatened me w a butcher knife, they also made me drink urine, and they sexually touched me. They put a blunt rouge container on my genitals ( I don't remember if there was penetration or not ) and sucked my nipples and made me suck their's. The confusion is that they didn't even have the dignity to be older than me. They were two months younger, so I feel like an imposter and that I shouldn't be as traumatized as I am. I can't allow myself to feel as angry as I know I am. The fact that they were the same sex as myself compounds things even further. It enrages me that the only instance in which age is a factor is in sexual abuse...all other forms of abuse disregard if there is a difference in age. I'm 43 and I've been in therapy on and off for about 20 years, but I've never been this honest or dug this deep. Please tell me I'm not the only one this has happened to!!!

[Avidiva55]

Gosh, I am so sorry!!! I wish I had some words of wisdom. I am SO glad she's going to a facility to try to deal w this abuse. The important thing is she has an advocate in you. I lost a brother to suicide and, I think, the best thing you can do is be open with her and assure her you love her. NOT talking about it and examining it, is, in my opinion, more damaging than doing so. But you have to tread lightly so that the victim is not retraumatized. I'm seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma and, if you can find one, I think it may be very healing for her. I hope this helps. I wish you and her all the luck in the world.

[Avidiva55]

Oh, I didn't realize she wasn't willing to go to the facility. Realize that, ultimately, it is up to her to decide. Is there a support group she might be willing to go to? Is she willing to listen to the podcast, at least? Anything that might help her would be good, in my opinion. Working on your trauma is HARD work and she may sense that. But, I think, it is necessary to do so to fully heal. If you have any similar experiences w depression, it may help her to have you open up about your experiences so she feels less alone. Be patient. If she is underage, I think you can get her involuntarily committed to a facility, but, if she's an adult, as my brother was, your hands are pretty much tied in what you can do unless they agree to it. I think, right now, your options are to love her as much as you are able. I think, also, this is too much responsibility to take on yourself, so I'd seek out a support group for yourself. I'm so sorry both of you are going through this.

[Avidiva55]

I also had a suicide attempt about twenty years ago. There were three books that helped me learn to love life again: " how I stayed alive while my brain was trying to kill me ", " waking up alive ", and " veronika decides to die ". You might want to preview them to see if she might be able to handle reading them. I haven't read anything on sexual abuse, but I plan to, so I don't have any suggestions there. There are some online forums and helplines that she may be willing to call ( you can also do these as a chat if that's more comfortable): the Rainn network and the Pandora project are both online and I have found them extremely helpful, especially the Pandora project. They have multiple resources for healing and people who have " been there " and they're helmed, partially, by therapists. They are very careful with their forums so that they don't retraumatize the victim and there are multiple resources for self care. I think these might be really helpful for both of you. Just google the Rainn network or Pandora project and you should find them quite easily.