Do you hate anyone?

[Jose]

I can think of a few people who I find disagreeable, because of how their behavior and outlook on life differ than mine, but at the end of the day I respect them for individuality. I just hate being in their presence, since they like to pretend the world revolves around them, and me being part of that world, I have to say "No. You're not that important to me. Doing things to please you is probably the farthest thing down on my list of priorities right now. I will stand here and TOLERATE you, for whatever length of time I can before I become physically ill."

There's one kid who I might TRULY hate, though. I've known it ever since I met him when we were 5 years old and the first thing I saw him do was attack my friend and start punching him in the head. For what reason, I don't know. Being a man in his mid-20's and still observing the same behavior in this 'aquaintance' of mine two decades later has led me to believe that's his idea of male bonding? Well, I'm sorry. Call me a wimp, a pussy, I just don't get it. That's not my idea of fun. I don't take things like violence lightly and always considered it a self defense tool above everything else. This guy, ( I'll call him 'Al' ) seems to get off on randomly attacking our friends for his personal entertainment. I'll be in the middle of a conversation with one guy, and Al will just start throwing punches at him, bringing the entire discussion to a halt for this fucking playground bullshit. Thanks, that's not the rudest thing anyone's ever done while I was talking. Then all the sudden I'm totally excluded and disconnected from the group for this boyish nonsense. Al has never attacked me, maybe since I don't know how to be 'playful' with fighting and go straight for the jugular. He must be able to sense that. I get the male roughhousing thing and see how it can be fun with people who don't get all butthurt about hitting them too hard, but the way Al uses it to attract attention to himself when we're just hanging out like 'adults' really concerns me. Is there a synapse blown in his brain where he can't connect to people except through physical contact and ABUSE? Did his dad beat him or aggressively play with him as a kid to the point where he thinks that's how men are supposed to get along? I just don't know... How would you diagnose Al? I already know he's bipolar, and it really shows in the way he seems to be exclusively active when he's hitting and annoying people, and on his down time he seems like the most sullen, withdrawn, bored, completely empty minded human being I've ever seen... It's something that's really turned me off about him over the years, that he's only energized when 'stuff is happening.' Physical stuff, with the potential for danger. Matters of the mind don't seem to concern him, trying to hold a conversation with him is like pulling teeth because he's so whiny and always put upon about things. My friend who's also bipolar knows him a lot better and seems to understand him more ( He's the one Al's ALWAYS hitting ) maybe I'm just unfamiliar with how people operate on that wavelength. I've tried for 20 years to forge a bond with this dude, he even pushes me out of my comfort zone because he's so quiet sometimes and it forces me to be the talkative, jokey, happy guy (which I'm really not, but would like to be) even that gets shut down by Al, he's not impressed unless you're hurt or humiliated, that might be my main gripe with him, his infantile sense of humor.

I find Al to be a highly disagreeable person. I've tried in a variety of ways to 'reach' him through the years, but something about us doesn't 'click.' Maybe there's something inherent in both of us that repels the other away like the two positive poles on a magnet. I don't want to hate Al, I've seen the good sides of him on occasion. He's just the kind of guy that every one of us knows, who despite appearances, success in school and work, politeness, and general 'likability' is deep down a very shitty person. I think I kinda hate him, or maybe I haven't been exposed to right side of him? Oh well, I've tried long enough and I don't think there's much of any good in there...


please write back with your thoughts on what 'Al's' problem might be, and your own experiences with aggressively natured so called 'friends'. It'd really help to get some perspective on this. I wanna like Al

[manuel_moe_g]

I don't know. I had to get away from a "friend" who I really had zero respect for and could not appreciate on any level. That meant separating myself from a whole group of friends. I grew as a person after, and now I cannot imagine rejoining that group of friends. I am not sure that my decision was the right one.

You are the expert on your own situation, and I wish you the very best. Good luck, cheers.

[Jose]

To know my time is better off spent without him is really the key to solving the issue. I've dealt with that fact for awhile in my interactions with him, we don't gel as people. Everytime he comes around, he puts such a damper on things, and I just can't even handle the burdensome weight that seems to be looming over me when I'm in the same room as him. I don't know what to describe it as but the feeling of hatred. Not just 'disliking' someone, but having a very private and focused contempt for who they are as a person in they're very being. What makes it even worse is that it's all unspoken, so we put on airs that we like eachother but underneath we can each sense our own discomfort. It almost makes me wish I fooled around with his sister in highschool or something so there was a reason behind this animosity! We're just two very different human beings, every now and then he happens to walk into my life and ruin my day, ahhh adversity. Really the least and slightest of my troubles, it just bothers me that I would have so much resentment for one person. Has anyone else dealt with these kind of dead end friendships that drive you up the wall?

[manuel_moe_g]

Yeah, and what drove me crazy was that not only did other people not really have a problem with him, but they preferred his company over mine. That is why I needed to leave that group of friends - they really would never "get" a person like myself.

I sometimes worry that I dropped those friends too easily, because I probably should have more friends.

But in general, I had to be true to myself, and it was not cool for me to hang around people who I really didn't respect as people.

Take care man, you are in a tricky situation - it may not seem like it, but you hold all the tools to make the right decision. I trust in you. All the best to you, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[Jose]

I hate this guy we invited over for thanksgiving last night. He married a close family friend of ours and knocked her up, so we're stuck with him. Ever since the first time I saw him, I knew I hated this guy. This guy is an asshole, this guy laughs at his own jokes loudly and for way too long, this guy talks about conservative politics at the top of his lungs so no one else in the room can have a conversation. This guy makes me want to crawl inside of my skin and die every time I see him. Even his 'niceties' seem like a subtle backhanded compliment. I can see through him from a mile away, how everything is a 'put on' for him. No wonder he's such a successful salesman. I don't want him to die because of how much I love his wife and kid, but really I want him to die. This guy bothers me to no end and every time I see him he says something more atrocious and offensive in my presence that I have to battle with in my consciousness for days after their occurrence until I eventually forget about his existence…then he shows up again! I hate this guy. Die, this guy.