I think that is a big one with me...using the words "Personality Disorder." Makes it sound like some real crazy shit like "Sybil" or something like that. To me, when I read up on the symptoms/signs of BPD, it makes me sound like I am totally crazy and that what I think and feel are wrong and out of line.I felt like it was more acceptable to have mood disorder than be told there was something fundamentally wrong with my personality
I can't get over when my 14 yr old told me he wanted to go live with his father and that him and his father had talked about me and his father confided with our son that I used to use guilt as a punishment with him. And so he could relate to how my son was feeling. And inside I lost it because I don't believe I do/did that. What I thought I did at times was calling a teenager out of his shit and trying to make his responsible/accountable for his actions when he was doing wrong things. But now there is that doubt in my head that maybe I was just being a bitch because of BPD. And the thought of my ex sitting down with our son and discussing me in that light pisses me off to no end!!
I wish that was true, but I don't feel that it is. Being a fat person and a smoker who has developed type 2 diabetes, arthritis, sleep apnea, etc. I have always lived with the lectures/looks/eye rolling from expecially medical professionals about if I would only lose weight/exercise that I wouldn't have to deal with all these medical conditions. I will never forget a couple of years ago when I went in to the ER with abdomenal pain to find out my appendix had started to rupture and I needed emergency surgery. I had to endure the same look and talk from all the surgeons, anethesiolgists, etc that I was a diabetic smoker and what the hell was I doing to myself?! At one point I finally just looked one dr. in the eye and said I knew how much medical professionals hated dealing with people like me and how much I hated to have to come to them, but to basically suck it up because believe me I wish that I wasn't there with this problem and needed surgery and that I was 43 yrs old and knew all the bad effects of my habits & conditions so I didn't need another lecture, and that thin, healthy people also have this issue so just deal with it!You have the right to have the help you need and to feel the things you feel without being shamed. No one would do that to someone with diabetes, cystic fibrosis, arthritis, etc.