Is there anything I can *actually* DO to?

[oak]

Realizing that my recent post is very esoteric, I have another idea that is very practical, and very visceral. It will directly address your sense of failure and stated lack of worth. It will give you something to do.

The question is:

How badly do you not want to feel this way anymore?

What I suggest will work. It will give you concrete, measurable ways to know you have accomplished something and that you have worth.

So, the question remains: are you willing to do anything legal and moral to feel better?

If so, I have a simple (if not easy) way to demonstrate your worth and sense of accomplishment.

[Fargin]

I get that it's about acceptance. I keep saying here, to my therapist, to my wife, to anyone who'll pretend to listen. I need to learn to give up, accept I'm a failure and have no worth. I need to stop clinging to the the hope that if I keep trying I'll make myself a good person and just settle down and wait till I die.

But nobody can even begin to point me in the direction of HOW to start to accept this? How to stop trying? How to come to terms with what I really am.

I tried that, it's unbearable.

In theory it feels like the safe path you know, but you also know, it's a never ending, uphill path and my experience it's impossible to endure.

We can't give you a road map to how you accept, that you're worthless and accepting that you're worthless, wont make the mountain towering over you go away. I don't think anyone can provide you with that and I'm not sure anyone, who cares for you would want to either.

Feelings are real, but they are not everything, they are not every aspect of your person, even though they affect your thoughts and behavior. There's a difference between accepting you're worthless and accepting you feel worthless. It's okay to feel worthless and it's okay to be terrified of getting in touch with the actual feelings and the events what lead to these feelings.

We can talk about acceptance and stuff, but one of the first stages of your road map, is to get in touch with your story, tell it and retell it, until you finally cave in and allow yourself to entertain the dangerous and unsafe thought, that what happened to you wasn't okay and wasn't you fault. It's difficult to move forward, until you've faced these past events and accepted what happened and accepted how it affected you. It doesn't matter if you tell yourself it happened to others and didn't affect them, what matters it that it affected you, hurt you and changed you.

Like so many of us, you could be in denial, not allowing yourself to fully face these painful events, that defined and affected your life. I think denial is a good thing, I think denial is a psychological protection mechanism and when we're hurting the most, we cannot lower our protection mechanisms, even if they have become a problem for our actual well being.