I just can't cope

[Sir-knob-head]

All I want to do. I slowly and meticulously cut myself up onto little pieces. I've asked for help. And don't get it. I'm in the UK. Police are hounds doctors are too busy fixing what they can see and the mental health service is talked about a lot but hidden behind a big tree. It's s secret club. I'm struggling. How loud do I have to shout to get noticed.

[Imissmysun]

Hi

I wish I was there to help, I can't imagine how frustrating that is and I am in the US so I am unsure how to get you help... I looked up the hotlines over there:
Samaritans UK & ROI
National
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter: - E-mail:
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI - local rate)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
Website: samaritans.org
E-mail Helpline: jo@samaritans.org
24 Hour service:


I hear you I feel your pain across the pond - I truly hope you find what you need and I sincerely wish I had more substantial information for you.

You should not have to do this alone and I know that all of us depressives understand you and are with you and I hope you know that as alone as you feel and as much as you want the carousel we call life to stop (I have been there and it is just the darkest hole and it seems like it is endless and you are alone) you are not alone - there is a large community of people right here that get it - and that really truly without even meeting you face to face want you to find help and get the relief you need - because this heightened sense of darkness is draining and cyclically toxic.

Hope this helps

[oak]

Hang in there. Keep using your words.

[Beany Boo]

Sir-knob-head,

Good morning

I just want to collect up all the pieces and keep them safe. And in all in one place.

I suffer from medical shyness. I can't find a definition or diagnosis but it's so real to me. It's like that typical dream where you're trying to speak and can't make sound. I'd be in my doctors/therapists office and saying things normally, when inside I'm terrified because I can't physically make the words go together for what's really wrong. It's like they're big rocks that are too heavy and too far apart. I just can't make the sentence. I've managed to overcome it to some degree. Professionals don't help when they hide behind jargon and procedures, protecting themselves and just letting you jostle along the prescribed channels without responding to you properly.

I'm sorry they're compromising your dignity this badly.

I don't like them fucking with people. They think their authority allows them but even that doesn't give them the right.

[Sir-knob-head]

Thank you both for your replies. The samaritans aren't what I need. They're there for crisis support they work to calm you down. Understand and try and give quick fix solutions I imagine like the suicide hotline you have in the states.

I know my issues I know what I need to sort them but can't rewire my own mind I need a psychologist to help put steps in place to change my ways. But my psychologist discharged me because ' I have a good psychological understanding ' yes. I can help anyone else but my self. There's no longer any support for me unless I pay for private which I cannot do. Or attempt suicide again. But I don't wanna attempt anymore. I've sat at train stations for hours and listed the times of all the fastest trains. This time it won't be an attempt. It'll be the end

[Sir-knob-head]

Beany boo

If you're having trouble voicing what you need at the doctors office. Write it down give him the written concerns. But also explain why you had to do it this way so he doesn't think you're being ' difficult ' ( maybe the culture in the US is different)

[Beany Boo]

Sir-knob-head

Good evening

Please don't concern yourself; I've worked through it quite well, though I am always aware of its potential. I was just using it to show I know how frustrating the professions can be.

http://mentalpod.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=11057

[rivergirl]

"my psychologist discharged me because ' I have a good psychological understanding '"

WTF? So I suppose anyone in the mental health field should be exempt from therapy since they most likely have a good psychological understanding.

I'm sorry, Sir knob-head. I wish you could see a different psychologist, find a support group, or even a supportive friend.

[Sir-knob-head]

Beany boo

Glad you're on the right path. And I won't concern myself. But I do care dude....
Rivergirl. I don't know. I can't find a support group but I do have a best friend who understands me. But she's got her own issues and as selfish as it sounds she's not there as much as I really could do with but I don't mind.

Anxiety is a killer. Dark days come n go but it's been really tough this past 3 weeks. I'm struggling to keep my head above water. And my mind is intent on dragging me back down

[Imissmysun]

Sir,

I like that you knighted yourself - it is appropriate and I have a few reflections on how I see you based on your thoughts - you are intelligent, you are kind ( I truly think that empaths have it hardest and we are least likely to think that we deserve to live but what would the world be without us... I mean the world would be a million times worse if it were just filled with self absorbed - selfish people), you care about others outside of yourself, you have integrity and worth - you are insightful and brave -

Honestly consider these things - I know negative thoughts can devour the mind and rip apart any semblance of good will towards yourself - however there is nothing wrong with thinking that you are a good worthy person - that is not egocentric - that is healthy positive thinking - I think a lot of us fall into the trap of not wanting to be seen as arrogant or too good for others -

I know that thinking positive is the absolute hardest thing to do right now - it really is - I have been there and when you try your brain will warp it into the nastiest insult - however it can be done and I am trying myself - just one nice thing a day - as in "hey I didn't scold myself too badly right then" - even that counts -

I have so much compassion for you I know how deep that hole goes - just keep writing here if nothing else we all get it