YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Today I feel shaky and dizzy. I also feel lethargic and heavy. Like my body literally feels too heavy to be able to move around. I want to clean but have no energy. I had to take a shower sitting down. I feel anxious to do something but don't feel like it at the same time. I feel tired but wired. All I am able to do is lay down. But I feel like doing something besides laying here because I'm so bored so I've been just playing on my phone for hours which is making my brain hurt. I don't know what to do. I told myself to take a walk or go for a run but then I tell myself I don't fucking feel like it. I wish it were Monday because then I'd be forced to leave the house and stay busy at work. Ugh.

I've spent so many days off like that. Paralyzed by depression. A state of self hating inertia. Beating myself up for not doing anything. I hope you get to feeling better but know that you are not alone.

It's perfectly okay to want to do something and at the same time absolutely not know what it is. You sound like you're trying to be patient with yourself and yet are finding the exercise of patience, excruciating. Do be patient with yourself. You may need to work yourself up to a point where you can have the reaction (to whatever is happening with your life) that you need to have; and no amount of running or standing up in the shower is going to make it any easier or will make it come any closer, than just being patient with yourself, will. I'm not suggesting you try to relax, just that you take care of yourself while this, unknown/unknowable change, unfolds. It may take more than a few weekends.