Summer of trying to be courageous

[oak]

1. I work in a toxic environment.

2. My supervisor, in specific (but not all) ways bullies me.

3. A culture of abuse from endusers is tolerated.

There!

That is a whole big courage, just typing that there.

I feel good, better.

I am only as sick as my secrets.

Thank you for listening. Lots of love!

[manuel_moe_g]

Courage, friend and brother.

[oak]

I did, Manuel Moe. Thank you.

I could offer specifics of clearly communicating my professional needs and desires at work, which I did today, leaving nothing unsaid, but if you'll indulge me, let me talk about the important things:

Courage, Truth, and Love

I was trying to demonstrate courage this summer, and truth and love showed up unexpectedly. They are more connected than I suspected. They may be the same thing.

True Lies

Life is very difficult, and a great burden. These things are wrong, and I rage against them. The futility. I rage into the void.

Yet when I think about the person I'm in love with, it is no burden. All of these bad things don't matter. I just laugh.

If I am just some guy, working a job for a paycheck, that would be the saddest thing on earth. Nothing makes sense, and no effort is worth it, and is fact unnecessary pain because no goal, object, or ideal is worth it, since nothing matters.

Add one object of love, and everything makes sense. Every action is worthwhile, and the burden is no burden. It goes from "nothing matters" to "nothing else matters".

I've been given a body and a mind, and can try to win the person I love. Win her or not, I can die happy.

[oak]

As the summer winds down, right now I commit to effecting any reasonable (scary, but reasonable) recommendations for a courage-challenge from any of my dear friends here in the forum.

While having an awkward but needed conversation is always a favorite, I am open to any reasonable challenge.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Wow, Oak, that is brave!
I don't feel like I know what would be a good challenge for you, so I will base my challenge on what I think the world needs more of--childlike silliness/joy!

Pick from any of these or make your own:
Put on some music and dance, really go for it, arms waving, spinning, noodle-body
When getting dressed, put a sock on each hand like a puppet. Have the socks talk about what foot they would like to be on
run through a sprinkler
walk, skip, then walk again as though nothing has happened
roll down a grassy hill
pretend to be famous, put on a hat and sunglasses and move through crowds hoping no one recognizes you
when you pass someone walking a dog, look at the dog and say What's up dawg
buy yourself a toy take it home and play with it

Good luck!
Heather

[oak]

To have the courage to experience a moment of childlike whimsy and wonder?

Challenge accepted! I have a plan for a week from today, and will report back

[oak]

Courage report

I went to an interview at a staffing agency for a position I wanted. I was scared to go, but went anyway, because this is the summer of courage. They were completely lovely and kind. I heard later in the day the employer declined to consider me, as I was overqualified. I expressed my thanks for the prompt answer.

Courage is exhausting.

For me, courage is good but something I need to be careful with. While I don't want to slide into moroseness or hopelessness, I do want to tend to a cheerful, ethical nihilism for most things. In other words, I'll try to be courageous in the future, but I'll be sure to consider the profound exhaustion caused by trying. Sometimes the right thing to do is nothing.

I am sad and discouraged, and feel ridiculous. I do have the satisfaction knowing that I didn't shirk my responsibilities today: life asked something of me, and I answered the bell. I came up short.

I'll pick myself up again someday soon. But for now I am drawn to grieving.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, please remember to be kind to yourself. You've been stretching in a big way and you need some time to replenish and repair. There's nothing ridiculous about you. You're doing great and yes, you do need to pick and choose which mountains you climb. And time to recover from the excursion.

I was scared to go, but went anyway, because this is the summer of courage.
This is really beautiful.
Heather

[Heatherwantspeace]

As a further you are not alone, I once ran into neighbours I don't know very well and chatted for 20 mins. When I got home I had to lie down I was so exhausted.

[oak]

By virtue of the authority of having the second-most posts in this forum, I declare you, our dear Heather, a Deputy Summer Courage Master.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUvrtAUscR4

And thanks for your encouragement: I held onto it, as I went down the anxiety and anger rabbit hole of the toxic work situation. I'm pleased to report I have recently picked myself up, after a proper time of grief.

I do congratulate myself:

During the hell of a toxic two weeks at work, I plainly explained my professional interests and positions to my supervisor: I named specific duties I find objectionable, the exact pay I want (median), and the consequences of the status quo (I'll leave as soon as I have a semi-decent job offer). You'll not be surprised my supervisor was having none of that, not for a second. What my supervisor was fine with was me agreeing to immediately returning to the status quo.

While I didn't get my professional interests (yet), I am proud that I clearly expressed my professional interests in a calm, clear manner.