Anxious about a volunteer position

[punched_by_thoughts]

Hello,
I feel kinda dumb typing this in and honestly terrified to admit these feelings. I recently joined a small but growing discord community and I guess they liked me enough to ask me to help out, me being me I wanted to be known and validated as a "staff" member and show that I work hard enough to get there.

I've hit a really rough point lately where my anxiety has been preventing me from performing my role as a recruiter. I keep on thinking to myself "God I'm such a phony" "No one would want to be recruited by me" "I can't recruit to the standards of the community" and so on.

I start to feel my throat tighten and lose my focus and feel just crushed. At this point, the thoughts shift to "wow, your stupid for letting your thoughts get to you" "you really shouldn't be feeling like this" your such a failure."

I know these thoughts aren't true but my anxiety overrides them, even now I feel like this, I can at least be rational enough to reach out somewhere.

[manuel_moe_g]

I feel kinda dumb typing this in and honestly terrified to admit these feelings.
...
I know these thoughts aren't true but my anxiety overrides them, even now I feel like this, I can at least be rational enough to reach out somewhere.

Please don't feel dumb. Thank you for your post and thank you for reaching out.

There is a podcast by Jen Kirkman specifically about anxiety: https://www.jenkirkman.com/anxietybitespodcast

perhaps this will be helpful

[manuel_moe_g]

also, Jen Kirkman has a nice 52 page PDF on anxiety and generalized anxiety, designed for quick reference (you don't have to master the whole 52 pages, whew)

https://twitter.com/JenKirkman/status/1320799637708574721

[rivergirl]

Thanks for reaching out and sharing, punched_by_thoughts. There are so many people who feel the way you've expressed, even if you can't tell that by just seeing how they behave on the outside. I'm known as the calmest person at my work and I've been in my current job for many years, but I don't think there's a day that goes by that I don't at some point feel inadequate in my job, and there are still days when I feel terrified.

If you haven't already read about imposter syndrome, that's something else you might look up.

Take care and please keep posting. You may be helping someone else without even knowing it by expressing something they're afraid to share.

rivergirl

[punched_by_thoughts]

I appreciate the thoughts and kindness, Anxiety and depression are such difficult emotions to work around, I feel my self consistently feeling overwhelmed with life but I wanna not feel like that.

[rivergirl]

The combination of anxiety and depression is like an ongoing double punch, over and over. Apparently having both together is extremely common though. Sometimes I'm not even sure if it's possible to separate out the symptoms.

By the way, I've also been struggling with a lot of suicidal ideation for the past six months, and at other times previously. I seem to have had a respite from it this weekend for some unknown reason, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone in that regard either.

Even if you're just getting through a day at a time while experiencing those issues then you're already accomplishing a lot.

rivergirl

[punched_by_thoughts]

I really appreciate your thoughts! Honestly some days I'm alright, but when my anxiety pops in and thoughts start to spiral it is... exhausting, and then I'm just so tired after.

Sometimes it helps to know others are experiencing the same things, other times it doesn't brains are messy like that I guess though.

thanks for the kindness though!

[rivergirl]

Hey punched_by_thoughts,

I know sometimes it doesn't help to know others feel the same way, and you can still feel alone. It seems like what we try to do here to offer support can be so limited.

I hope you're getting by and maybe having some better days/moments.

rg