Fear of Fainting in Public

[Mel1731]

Hi,
I just discoverd this podcast and forum today and it already makes me feel better to know I am not the only who has a constant war in their head.
I have been looking for this topic in this forum but could not find anything related so I was wondering if anybody is experiencing something similar:

Depression and Anxiety have always more or less ruling my life but now I have a new problem that is really making it difficult to live a normal life.
Walking or driving across big intersections makes me lightheaded, it stresses me out so much, all those people, loud noise, many cars and bad smell. Breathing is so difficult. I am afraid of fainting right in the middle of the intersection or even worse while I am in the car and causing an accident. I also avoid large crowds or big gatherings when somebody is holding a speech and everything is quite. All that's spinning in my head like oh my god I am going to pass out any minute it's going to be so embarrassing all the attention is on me and I ruin it all. I have been avoiding big intersections but I live in a big city and it's hard to not hit them. I tried to face my fears since that's what you are supposed to do right? but it doesn't go away. I keep pushing through it and tell me myself stop being so ridiculous, you are 29 years old you can walk over that intersection, breathe and focus on something else. I imagine everybody sitting in that car at the intersection is looking at me, judging me, like monsters and once I made it to the other side of the intersection I am so exhausted. Driving over big narrow bridges is also really stressful.
You probably think I shouldn't drive anymore but I want to fight against those feelings so badly and not let them take over my life.

Do you have similar experenices like a normal daily thing that everybody does turns into something so uncomfortable?

[Churble]

I do understand. I don't have a fear of fainting in those situations, but they definitely trigger my anxiety. At large intersections I'm terrified I'm going to go at the wrong time and cause an accident, or not go when I'm supposed to and make the people behind me angry. Similarly, in large crowds, especially when someone is making a speech, I want to be as far back in the crowd as possible, as close as possible to the exit. I'm terrified of suddenly needing to go to the bathroom or my phone ringing or something happening that causes me to need to leave. I hate the idea that I'd turn around and walk out while this person is talking and I'll look rude or draw too much attention to myself and take the focus off of where it should be. Even when there isn't any one focus, like at a crowded mall or driving on a crowded highway, I have to stay as close to the outside of the crowd as possible because I can't handle the idea of being the one person who needs to go in another direction, fighting against the normal flow of things, causing an inconvenience to everyone and drawing everyone's eyes to me. Basically I just have a profound fear of "making a fuss" I don't ever want to feel like everyone is looking at me.

[Cheldoll]

Yup, I totally know how you feel. I recommend checking out the lists people have posted in the Fear Off section of the forum -- you'll find a myriad of fears relating to normal daily things that should be easy but we obsess over. It's really great that you're working hard to fight these feelings you have and I hope being able to relate to other people in this forum helps. Remember you are not alone.

[Fargin]

I used to drive a postal van in downtown, so I had to face a couple of fears too. When I accidentally revealed I had a license, they volunteered me as a driver and I was too polite to say no. On my first training day I witnessed how my instructor threw the van around in traffic and double parked all over the place. I lasted for two years, but the stress of the job, not just the driving got the best of me in the end. I was so stressed out, it began affecting my short term memory and I also began doubting and second guessing all my decisions, which made me slower at the office and I then had to make up some of the lost time in traffic. Except for a dented door(my first day) I didn't crash, kill or hurt anybody, but the anxiety and stress left me so exhausted, I went straight to bed and slept 8 hours, when I returned home in the afternoon.

Sometimes I tell myself, if other people are as occupied with themselves and their lives as I am with myself, then all this time I spent worrying about how they perceive me is completely wasted. These days my anxiety is worst standing in line, where I constantly have to convince myself, that I can feel the balance in my feet, relaxing my knees a bit and breathing calmly, so there's reason why I should suddenly fall over and be a total embarrassment and inconvenience to normal and busy people. Still every time I enter the line, I imagine myself falling on the floor and people getting alarmed and worried and most of all inconvenienced.

I think of my anxiety as a friend, who's always there for me, who I am afraid of.

[Mel1731]

After reading all the replies I definitely don't feel alone anymore with my insane thoughts. I just wanted to share that my fears got a little bit better and I wanted to let you all know which strategies helped me.
I tried to not avoid the situations that scared me but just in case that lightheaded feeling and anxiety came up I wanted to have something else to get focused on so I can calm down. Since my biggest stress came up while driving and crossing big intersections I started driving on smaller streets and intersections again. With an Italian-learning audio cd in the car, a water bottle and some tic tacs or mints that I can shove into my mouth when I feel like fainting. Also always a pen and notepad handy so I could just scribble something on that paper while I wait at a red light. This Italian cd helped so much, the language sounds beautiful and happy and the guy talking was funny and his voice totally relaxing. I noticed how hard it is to stress out when you laugh or really listening to something. So I got more confident and got in the car again always with that audio cd that helped so much. When anxiety started to come up at an intersection, I got nervous and my mouth dry, I took a huge sip of water and ate some mints just to do something else than think about that I am in the middle of this intersections with all that car and noise around me. I was exhausted when I came back from driving because I was so tense the first times but also really happy and proud of myself that first of all I didn't let those fears determine my life, that I did it even though I was afraid of it and most important my fear got smaller every time I sat in the car again. My fears are not gone completely yet but I got it to a manageable level. 3 weeks ago I had to sit in a big audience of probably 600 people or so while people where holding speeches and everything was quite . You don't even want to know what kind of insane thoughts went through my head. I was sweating and so tense but there was a pamphlet handed out with a long list of names. So I tried to distract myself from how uncomfortable I am with reading all those names and writing down the most beautiful first names on the back of that pamphlet with my lucky pen that I always carry with me. I thought about that champagne reception that was scheduled after that ceremony and I got through 2 hours sitting in a very uncomfortable chair with a lot of people, nothing to drink, no break and thoughts I could write a book from. A lot of people were sitting behind me and I thought everybody is looking at me and sees how much I am moving around in that chair and what the heck I do. But again nothing bad happened and in case I have to get through something like this soon again I will be even better prepared with a small notebook maybe, mints and maybe a math exercise? So long story short it helps me when I can get my mind occupied with any different thought than what I am currently doing. When I said to myself, relax, everything will be fine, you can make it through that intersection, then it didn't help at all. It actually made me more conscious of my misery. But when I try to imagine that ugly busy intersections that I am crossing lined up with palm trees, sand and giant beautiful sea shells or something paradise like my breath slows down and I can handle the situation better (I once tried imagine everything out of sweets, the streets were crispy cookies, cars out chocolate and so on..that brought a smile on my face ) Maybe next time I try adding 754 and 1035 while I walk through the intersection or stand nervously in line. My math skills are very bad so I would really need to think about it and cannot think about the situation. Hope that might help anybody else, too. Even just a little bit.

[Fargin]

Good for you!

And good for others, those are some pretty good ideas you had and what works for you, might help others too.

[oak]

Mel, may I offer a thought that is most certainly inaccurate? I ask this not to be a callous jerk, but to perhaps expand your mind:

Does a part of you *want* to faint in public?