Giving myself a pep talk

[kitkat]

So, there is this thing that I want to go to tonight, and as soon as I committed to going, all the anxiety came up and negative thoughts and, "I can't go there, I'll have to leave and I'll have a panic attack and ruin everyone's night," and I'll probably spend the rest of the day until tonight in this nervous state. But, while I was thinking all this, I also realized something pretty basic, which is that I actually WANT to go to this event. I actually want to get out of the house and have fun, and my anxiety is making it difficult for me. Obviously, this is obvious, but I thought it in a different way than I usually do, which was not so much that, "I can't go to this because I have anxiety," but instead I thought, "I WANT to go to this, and I have anxiety that I trying to stop me." It's subtle, but it was enough to bring out my stubborn side and I am determined to fight this and be the boss of my own body, instead of letting my anxiety rule what I can and can't do.

So, the knot in my stomach and dizziness isn't gone, but, I guess every once in a while you have to just say, "fuck it."

Wish me luck.

[weary]

Good luck!

One thought you may not have considered - a lot of the physical manifestations of being excited (about a positive thing) can be similar to the ones that you experience when you're anxious. I have noticed in the past that sometimes when I was feeling anxious about an upcoming event that I knew that I was looking forward to, I realized I was assuming I was anxious because I automatically associated those sensations with anxiety, but upon taking a deep breath, stepping back and thinking, I determined that it might be excitement/anticipation instead.

[oak]

Hooray!

Go for it!

Let us know how it goes

[kitkat]

Thanks guys! It actually went pretty well. It turned out to be really relaxed, I met some really friendly people (which usually makes me nervous because I don't know how to hold proper conversations and, you know, really friendly people try to have conversations with people haha) and I don't think I embarrassed myself, and I actually had a good time. I found myself not being so self conscious, which is really weird for me. I had a moment where I thought, "it would be bad if I had a panic attack now," but then another part of me thought, "but I'm not and I don't feel uncomfortable, so that's not going to happen." It was a nice surprise! haha Being stubborn sometimes works out. Something I'll have to tell myself next time, I'm sure.

Weary, I have had that a lot! If I get excited for something, it really is hard to tell if it's anxiety or just looking forward to something and my brain usually goes to, "you're going to have a panic attack" automatically. I guess it's one of those things you have to train yourself to re-think over time. I'll try to keep that in mind and see if that helps Thanks!

[weary]

Way to not let your anxiety boss you around. Glad to hear it!

[oak]

Awesome congrats I am proud of you!

[kitkat]

Thanks again guys!

As a little update, Weary, I've been telling myself what you wrote about being excited vs being anxious, and it has been helping a lot. It doesn't take the anxiety away, of course, but it helps to remind me to be strong and force myself to not miss out on things that I might be looking forward to and try to turn some of that anxious energy in to positive, excited energy. Every little bit helps!

[weary]

I'm really glad to hear this. I have noticed lately that I am able to give good advice to other people that I still have a hard time following myself (because I somehow think that it will work for other people but not for me?). Anyway, it helps to know that it's making a difference and makes me want to double down on following through on taking my own advice.

[kitkat]

Updating this thread instead of making a new one.

I just feel not good right now. I have been getting progressively better recently about going out and being social and saying "yes, I want to do that," instead of, "no, I can't do that because of anxiety." It's getting better. I'm going out tonight to a comedy show and I was super happy about it because they're so much fun. I have to leave soon and about 15 minutes ago, I just felt those signs that I haven't felt in a long time, like I wanted to vomit and like I wanted to cry and like I couldn't move. It was a quick flash and then I was left with the feeling of what was that, and why did that happen. I wasn't thinking anything in particular. I was drawing and watch The Colbert Report, both of which are not anxiety inducing (sometimes drawing is, but it wasn't now). I turned off my laptop and tried to steady myself and all the different techniques, like, inviting the anxiety in and telling it to get it over with and telling myself I could go and leave at anytime, while telling myself to just call and say I couldn't make it. And that is a strong feeling, to just not go somewhere, and just stay in, and curl on the couch and go through this all over again. And that's the thing, I don't want to go through this all over again. I recognize that this is a life long battle and we all have setbacks, but I refuse to go from being able to actually go out and actually eat in a restaurant sometimes and actually do things, to go from that to back to living on the couch, I refuse. I'm afraid, but I am also pissed as hell. I refuse to deal with this bullshit. I want to go out and have a life and this shit has ruined my life long enough and it has taken me long enough to get to being not even normal, but able to function at some sort of capacity, and I refuse. Anxiety, I see your points, and I reject them. I am going out tonight because I know where the alternative leads. One anxiety attack leads to one night staying homes leads to never leaving the house.

I guess, I just wanted to let that out. If I write it here and think about how proud I will be if I can come back and say I did it, then, it's an amazing motivator. So, really, I refuse to take those steps backwards, so thank you for kicking me out the door.

[weary]

Have fun, kitkat!

Comedy is awesome. That is the one thing that can really make me feel better is to laugh. Sometimes when my wife and I are really stressed out, sitting and watching a silly movie or some standup will get us laughing hard and that relieves a lot of tension. Recently, we have really been laughing ourselves silly over Drunk History on Comedy Central.

Thanks for posting and it it helped you clear your mind to get out of the house and have a good time, that's terrific!