Job Search Anxiety Part 2: References.

[oak]

First love, then updates, then the awkwardness!

Love

I am grateful for your kind responses lee, weary, and kit. I know I just used the word "grateful", but it hardly expresses my appreciation. I am a little teary-eyed thinking about you guys and your posts.

Updates

I heard back from all my references, and will keep them. I will drop my former retail supervisor for white collar applications, but value her reference as I apply for hourly jobs locally.

Out of the blue I got an unexpected email followup from my career counselor, which made me smile a little through my sadness (see below).

Awkwardness and Shame

So I have a three-part opera of shame to report.

But first, I must stress that I am grateful for anyone who gives me a phone interview. I am respectful of them, their time, and their interest in me. I know we are all human, and just doing our best. I recognize and celebrate their humanity. If only I could recognize my own humanity, and forgive myself of the shame that follows.

1. Friday phone interview

Last Friday I had a phone interview. Usually I can get it started right, after the pleasantries and introductions, when they ask me: "So tell us about yourself?": I've got script down to get into a flow for the interview by way of my introduction.

However, maybe I was emotionally a little off that day, or they were a little tired interviewing on a Friday afternoon in the summer, but tried as we all might, the mojo was a little off the whole time.

Phone shame: I've always been unclear on the timing of saying goodbye and hanging up. So as the phone interview ended, I said goodbye and started to look for the "end call" button. They still had something to say, I had to jump back on! I was so mortified. I wanted to disappear. shame.

2. Phone shut off

Try as I might, I haven't worked since early May. They shut off my phone, and it took me four days to get birthday money to pay it off. I might well have missed a job offer or interview opportunity in those four days. Shame.

3. A New Hope?

I use Google Voice as an alternate voice mail in case my regular phone gets shut off (Google Voice is an online voice mail system). Yesterday, after I got my phone turned on, I got a Google Voice message on my phone of a message from a potential employer who was in the job-offer stage (ie we had all interviewed, and the decision was coming down).

Well, sometimes the free Google Voice can't recognize the words in the voicemail, and sends the transcription in scrambled order (can you see exactly where this is headed?)

So, reading the scrambled message, I realize they are offering me the job. A responsible, high paying job. The job I've dreamed for two years. This will change everything.

I dash to my laptop, which will display the message correctly. I am already thinking of how I will accept the job, work out the particulars, and leave to start the new position.

Sure enough, in the unscrambled message I am not offered the position.

The potential employer, bless his heart, left a really kind and positive voicemail. I immediately emailed back, sincerely saying that I was grateful for the opportunity to interview, that I enjoyed meeting all of them, and wishing them success.

Such is the game, when it is played kindly: the potential employer gets back to the declined candidates, and the declined candidate expresses sincere appreciation.

Still, it hurts.

[weary]

3. A New Hope?

I use Google Voice

It might give you a laugh, but Paul F. Tompkins used to do a sketch called "Google Voice Theater" in which they would run a famous scene through Google Voice and then act out the Google Voice transcript, which was full of errors (like the transcription of your voicemail). Since you entitled this section "A New Hope", I figured I should let you know that one of the scenes he did for that was the Cantina scene from Star Wars. You can hear in in Episode 7 of the Pod F. Tompkast.

This is in no way intended to trivialize your feelings about how your week went. It sucks, and I feel for you. It just struck me as a little amusing and I thought you might benefit from it.

It's nice that the voicemail from the potential employer was positive even though you didn't get the job, and I'm glad that you got the email followup from your career counselor. I know that maintaining tenacity and resilience in the face of disappointment is a struggle, but we're all pulling for you.

[kitkat]

Glad to see an update! I know it can be disappointing, especially when you originally thought you'd get the job (stupid voice translators!) but at least it was still a positive response. I had a similar experience recently and I know the positive reviews doesn't really help to repair your self esteem from a rejection, but try to keep on mind that you're on the right track!

And what you said about finding the humanity in yourself is so true. I wish it was as easy to except ourselves and see what we have to offer as it is to see it in others.

Well, anyway, you sound like you're going strong, so keep it up and good luck!!

PS, I sooo want to hear that google transcript theatre! Haha

[oak]

Thanks weary and kit for your encouragement! I am touched that you responded.

Yeah, so Monday I start it again, the job search. At this point random employers are reaching out to me, since many employers are up against a time deadline.

The irony is that I have to be my strongest at my emotional weakest!

That is, the time between effort and results.

More updates to come.

[MizLzie]

Google Transcript Theatre is the best! So funny!

Sounds like everything is going pretty well actually Oak, and when I say that I am drawing on my own experiences looking for work. The thing that bothered me the most was when potential employers wouldn't call back at all, after promising they would. That's great that you had such a positive response! I have had my phone shut off during that time and that amount of stress that brings is incredibly overwhelming. I guess technology is good here, no matter how scrambled the circumstances. I recall being so grateful I had a Blackberry during one round of job hunting as I had given the fax # instead of the cell # for a reference. I got the email while I was out for the day and was able to send the proper contact info.

The irony of being unemployed is staggering. You are expected to be on your A game when you feel the worst. You require basic things in order to perform the job hunt, such as internet/phone - yet how do you pay for it. The search itself take so much time that it's hard to find an interim job just to get by. I found myself spending more $$ when I had nothing/very little coming in than I did WITH the paychecks!! How is that even possible?

When I offer an ear for advice I do it coming from 19 months of unemployment from March 2009 - Jan 2011. I got pretty used to applying + interviewing & then not getting the job.

Always wishing luck & success!

[oak]

Much forum love!

The job search saga continues, trending positively.

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In the meantime, I had a small crisis that reminds me (again) that I struggle with underearning. I've posted in a thread, something to the effect "I want to get help for underearning".

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So there have been developments in my job, both interpersonally and emotionally within me.

First, the loves.

The good karma.

My gosh, have people been kind and good to me. People in this forum, strangers, acquaintances, family. Much love.

1. I live, temporarily, with my kind parents. When they don't feel like going to the grocery store, they'll send me with a list and a few extra dollars for my trouble.

A few days ago I went, got the items, and got in line. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to, no joke, check this forum. A moment later a young man politely hands me the $25 my mother had given me for the groceries!

The money had fallen out, unbeknownst to me, when I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

I thanked him warmly.

I send hugs and good karma for him.

2. The next day I stopped by to see a professional acquaintance. Having met once or twice, he is my age but several levels above me (we are in the same profession). Feeling bold, I asked him for a "good word" to his former employer, who is hiring for a position that he had five years ago, that I am qualified for. He kindly agreed.

The next morning I sent him an email, thanking him for his help. I felt proud of my thoroughness when I included the URL of the target department's staff, the URL of the job posting, and pasted in my resume. I also of course offered to be of any assistance to him in the future.

Since it was the summer afternoon of the day before a holiday, I included my usual "I know that you are busy so you need not reply to this message."

I was real touched when he emailed me back, wishing me luck.

Though it was "just" an email, I was pleased that he took the time to get back to me, on an afternoon before a holiday.

Like the Aesop fable of the mouse and the lion, professionally in reality/likelihood there is not a whole lot I can probably offer him. He is an established professional, and I am a job hunter for an entry level job.

His helping me is classy.

I hope when I am settled and secured in my career I will help others like he has helped me.


I have more updates about the day-to-day ups and downs of my job search, and will post them later today. But for now I just want to sit with my appreciation for these kind people.

Such loving-kindness they demonstrated. Not just words.

Forum love.