Fears

[a_schoe]

I'm afraid I'll never know what to do with my life.

I'm afraid that I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but didn't pursue it because of my depression.

I'm afraid that I'll never fully love my sister like I did before she tried to kill herself.

I'm afraid I'm the desperate obviously-in-love friend who turns off the object of their affection.

I'm afraid I'll never be intimate with someone else.

I'm afraid I'll never have sex again.

I'm afraid that the next time I do decide to be intimate with someone, they will betray my trust just like most of the other people I've let in.

I'm afraid I'm boring.

I'm afraid I will never be "stable".

I'm afraid I will always find something wrong with my situation and try to change it.

I'm afraid I will always want to move.

I'm afraid I won't do fun things because of my anxiety, fear of crowds, and a reluctance to spend money.

I'm afraid that I won't get better at writing or drawing--that I'll stagnate and my passion and potential will die out.

I'm afraid of Sprickets. (Fucking Sprickets.)

I'm afraid my mother will become an alcoholic.

I'm afraid my sister will never overcome her bitterness and anger and make peace with our mother.

I'm afraid I'll die in my 50's, like the rest of my family seems to be doing.

I'm afraid I'll never see the places I've always wanted to see.

I'm afraid I'll be bored for the rest of my life.

I'm afraid of harm to my extremities. Of my arms being chopped off. Of my legs being beaten and damaged beyond hope. I'm afraid of people yanking on earring I no longer wear and ripping them out, leaving my earlobes bloody and open. Of my fingers being broken and my toes being smashed.

I'm afraid of tornadoes.

I'm afraid I'll answer the phone and someone else I know and love has died.

I'm afraid my "coming of age" at 21 won't be spectacular, because it seems to be centered around my family getting drunk and my family trying to get me drunk, something I have little interest in.

I'm afraid that I'll die alone and isolated so that no one will know I'm gone for days or even weeks or months. And that by the time someone does find me, I'll just be a pile of bones and a smudge of liquidated meat on the floor.

[Cheldoll]

I'm afraid that I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but didn't pursue it because of my depression.

This one really struck a chord with me. So many missed opportunities and times I just completely withdrew from the world... it's overwhelming just thinking about it.