My Fears

[MizLzie]

Not all of them. Just some that I quickly whipped up... :/

I'm afraid that I will be "alone" for the rest of my life
I'm afraid that my experiences with toxic "friends" is really me, and that I'm the one who causes it all.
I'm afraid of the emotions I'll experience when my estranged father dies
I'm afraid that I am actually a shitty person and I'm too self-centred to realize it
I'm afraid I'll turn out exactly like my mom
I'm afraid my little sister pities me since she's more successful, thinner, & prettier than I am
I'm afraid that I've settled for my life as it is and will never experience the things I want to (like various travel)
I'm afraid that my perception of myself physically is so fucked up that I will never realize how fat & ugly I am (for some reason I think I'm smaller & prettier than I am, not a terrible thing - just hard to see the reality in pictures)
I'm afraid I will never be taken seriously for my brains because I have large boobs and am overweight
I'm afraid that my friends don't really like me, they just tolerate me
I'm afraid I've given my cat a miserable life in my small apartment with no balcony
I'm afraid that I don't deserve to be on this site because I haven't experienced the trauma that so many people have
I'm afraid that my perception of my fucked up brain is so wrong, that there's "nothing" wrong with me, that I'm being a baby and I just need to smarten the fuck up. That I'm just making shit up to feel sorry for myself
I'm afraid that my perception of what I've experienced growing up is wrong. That my mom/dad/friends never did anything that could have affected me that badly, that I just don't know how to deal with things properly.
I'm afraid the people in my life will see me for who I really am and walk away with no regrets
I'm afraid that my relationship with my mom isn't going to get better and I will be filled with regret and guilt when she dies
I'm afraid that no one would give a shit if I was gone
I'm afraid that my lack of desire to have a husband is really just a way for me to keep everyone out, and that it's something so deeply ingrained I can't see it for what it really is.
I'm afraid of being a senior citizen begging on the street since I've made so many bad financial decisions and I won't have any money to live when I can't work anymore
I'm afraid of spiders. Like screaming and flailing afraid.
I'm afraid of my cat getting hit by a car, like my last one, why she can't go outside (well that & being on the 2nd floor)
I'm afraid to sustain eye contact. Makes me very uncomfortable

[Cheldoll]

I'm afraid that my perception of myself physically is so fucked up that I will never realize how fat & ugly I am (for some reason I think I'm smaller & prettier than I am, not a terrible thing - just hard to see the reality in pictures)

I feel this one so deeply. It's tough because you have to balance grooming/taking care of yourself and accepting/forgiving your body... and I feel like I fuck it up at either end.

[MizLzie]

I try and tell myself out loud that I look good, when I feel good. Little mind tricks