Fears

[Beany Boo]

The person who works out what I may not even know I profoundly need and deliberately provides it to me. I fear that person.

Being rejected and it not meaning the end of the relationship but instead strengthens it. I fear that.

People who openly get off on being cruel, especially when they just want to see your face change in the moment of recognition.

Being tricked into a situation, filled with the potential that I may need to sacrifice myself to save someone else, and not being able to go through with it. And then learning it was all a trick. And then not knowing if there's anything that's not a trick.

Literally dying of shock having survived intact from a trauma I've only recently discovered happened at all. Shock that could kick in at any time.

[Beany Boo]

Emotional curiousity, when I haven't yet established sufficient trust to express it, and still don't know if I will, or can

People who show me that I'm seen, which reveals in stark contrast, everyone who doesn't show me I am and all the ways in which I'm not, seen

A life frozen by "sexual anorexia", and you don't even know where to start to thaw

[Beany Boo]

Someone is waiting for me to be a vital part of their life and I may never get to them having to wade through all this shit first.

[Beany Boo]

Having to do anything that needs to be done with obvious slowness; any task requiring me to take my time to work though, or to work it out; any activity that might distract me from someone approaching from a blind spot; embarking on any process where I risk losing sight of myself, before it is finished.