Personification of character flaw.

[oak]

For some years, in my waking life I've struggled with something called "underearning". Long story.

The other night, I had the following dream where underearning was personified:

I was safe in a house or room (everything I dreamed was as if from a first person movie shot). There were four scenes:

1. Underearning was personified as a very powerful half man/half beast. I knew it was coming to kill me and cause chaos.

2. It/he was pushing on the door. I could resist, but for only so long. It/he would overpower me sooner or later. When I locked the door, he unlocked the deadbolt. When I locked the deadbolt, he unlocked the door. I saw his hand come over the top of the door, to open it.

3. A non-threatening, dispassionate voice told me that I had to honor the beast-man by asking it how it wanted to die.

4. The next instant, the final scene was the underearning, personified as me, submissive at my feet, wrapped in a tarp. He/it shivered, knowing he was about to die. A device was in my hand, and I knew that if I pushed the button in far enough, the beast would die.

Then I woke up.

[manuel_moe_g]

You are not your underearning. Your underearning is external and gives no information about your character. What you call "underearning" I call "verbal self-abuse by Oak not giving Oak enough credit for navigating a very difficult situation"

[lawlessness45]

I can sympathize with the part about someone trying to get in and you holding the door closed. I have nightmares like that. That dream sounds disheartening, and I hope you give yourself some time and compassion to recognize all you are doing. Hang in there.