Apocalyptic to Incestous

[sarahphym]

I've always loved how intense and detailed my dreams can be. I frequently have these long epics that seem to last forever, and are usually these cool post-apocalyptic adventures. Those are my favorite dreams.

But over the past few years I keep having recurring dreams (or nightmares) of having sex with either my father or my mother. The ones with my mother usually involve her abusing me, but in the ones with my father I am usually the instigator, and in my dreams I'm really into it. I think that this stems from my unhealthy relationship with my undiagnosed depressive borderline mom, and my improved relationship with my dad. Along with getting all my sexual hairs crossed during sleep...

My mother disgusts me in real life, so I think that's why I dream about her sexually abusing me. It's like my brain came up with the one thing that could horrify me the most. (For the record, I've never been sexually abused - as far as my memory goes.) My mom does have unhealthy boundaries with me. A lot of stuff Paul talks about his mom reminds me of her. When I was growing up she would ask me to show her my breasts, so she could see how big they were getting, cajoling me when I didn't want to. The thought of things like that still really bother me.

I just wish I could stop these recurring themes. I'd really just rather not have these images in my head. I try my best to not think about them when I've woken up.

[manuel_moe_g]

I love dreams, even my anxiety-filled dreams. My dreams are the only time where I am not obsessed about my past and my future, for some reason in dreams I am only in the moment.

Please take care, sarahphym, I am sorry you had such abuse from your mother. I wish for you to have lovely, peaceful dreams!