Parent that had to cut off abusive children

[emo]

I am looking to see if there are any other parents out there that have cut contact with their children. I am feeling very alone. I have never heard another parent say they have done this. It seems to be children cutting the parent off, which is a similar situation. But I feel that being the parent & having to hold boundaries against my children is so against the grain that I feel like a horrible person. They are my children.......

[manuel_moe_g]

You are not a horrible person for having healthy boundaries. Please take care.

[emo]

Thank you manuel_moe_g, you are a very kind person. I needed to hear that....I recently made a phone call to child protection services to turn my oldest son & his girlfriend in for mistreating my grandson, it's breaking my heart, but someone had to speak up for that baby. It is REALLY hard not to feel like a horrible person.

[manuel_moe_g]

You are a good person, and you are stuck in a terrible situation. Please know you are not alone.

[Geoff 02]

emo, when you called the agency it was because you saw someone in need and decided to ask others for their help. No one can fault you for that!

[emo]

Geoff 02, thank you...if only they would see things that way. Got a text from the mother of my grandbaby today, wanting to talk to me. I have not responded. The last words she texted me were 'fuck off'...I'm not sure if she somehow found out that I made the call or if she wants something else. My first reaction was 'no, thank you' Not sure what I will respond yet, if anything...but that feels wrong, just because she (& my son) have a habit of ignoring me, doesn't make it right for me to do it too. Feeling stupid & stubborn right now.

[Geoff 02]

No matter when or how you respond, it's never going to be the exact, right thing at the exact, right moment that's going to make them respond in exactly the right way. Just that you want to communicate says a lot, though.

[emo]

Problem is that right now, I don't want to communicate with 'Amber' ( my son's girlfriend), & she wants to talk with me...I would love to talk to my son, but he doesn't really seem to be in charge of himself, she is holding the reins & keeping them tight. She sent me another text yesterday telling me she wants to talk to me & it's the least I can do. No, as a matter of fact, it is not the least I can do. Still feeling stubborn, but I really don't have anything nice or otherwise to say to her. I also got a call from the CPS lady yesterday, she was totally fooled, taken in, won over - however you want to put it- by my son & Amber. I was not surprised, they are very skilled liars & manipulators. I did tell the CPS lady of my concerns over their mental illnesses & reiterated that the welfare of the baby is my main concern, so we'll see if anything happens. The CPS lady assured me that she did not tell them I had called, but the timing just seems to coincidental. My saving grace today is that I am home all day & since my cell phone doesn't work at home, I can't/won't get any messages today!

[emo]

Light Bulb Moment! It just dawned on me that this about my issues with confrontation...not all of it, but right now, today it's about confrontation. I don't want to talk to Amber because I don't want to get to a place where she is yelling, then I yell. That is not good for anyone. Believe me, in my minds-eye I have seen the worst case scenarios play out. I have pulled the thread. It unravels in to a screaming match. Or last night I could see it going to a scenario where Amber came to my house & I had to call the authorities & she was beating my car with a baseball bat...I was freaking out, on the inside! I am aware enough to know that I am prone to worst case scenario thinking & that that was what I was experiencing, so I took a moment & a few deep clearing breaths & carried on about my way. I'm not any closer to knowing what I am going to do, because ignoring her requests to talk is not helping to resolve this issue. If I have any chance of being the grandmother I always dreamed of, I need to have a relationship with Amber. I need to figure out what I want to say to her. Options are- as far as I can tell- ignore it longer, tell her she can send me a letter (just because she's ready to talk doesn't mean I am...), she can send a long text or email. That's about it for options, I wish I could add ' talk to her' , but that does not feel safe. Sigh.

[Geoff 02]

I'm prone to worst-case-scenario thinking, too! I like to call it "foresight."