Am I a coward?

[JNC]

Here's my story. I live with my husband, daughter, and mother-in-law. My husband and I moved in soon after my mother-in-laws partner got cancer. My husband lost his job and was asked to take care of him. We moved in soon after as I could not afford to pay our rent on a single income. My mother-in-law's partner passed only 4 months after we moved in. My mother-in-law requested we stay and my husband takes care of her. This has been going on now for 5 years.
It has not been easy. She's a wonderful person. She's kind, a wonderful cook, and loves me as her own daughter. She has put the house under my husband's name so that if and when something happens to her, we get the house. She has taught me many things in the kitchen. I am happy to know all I've learned from her.
Here's my problem. She will have these conversations with me about wanting to know our financial situation. Now, I do pay for groceries, some utilities, and other expenses when needed. She does not charge rent. But, she will get angry with me or my husband if we don't help with extravagant things she wants. Things we know we can't afford and neither can she. In one sentence, she'll say she doesn't want to know our finances, but then ask how much I have saved. She has said she would help pay credit cards off but, that I wouldn't be able to fly out to see family. My family lives too far to drive to in two days.
It's as if she wants to replace my family. My parents and siblings. As if I owe my very existence to her.
My husband barely does anything to help me. Since he stays home, he does take care of our daughter and will do some things his mom asks but, not all the time. This has become a source of tension for their relationship as well as ours. You see, if he doesn't get things done, she complains to me about it. If I try to tell my husband that he needs to get things done around the house, he gets angry with me and will say things like,"I'm a horrible person and I can't do anything right." He will then become very stand-offish and say how nothing he feels matters to anyone else.
I get so tired of being the one caught between them. I want to support my husband, but for the right reasons. I want my mother-in-law to feel support but, I also want her to understand she will never replace my family.
I lie here at 1130 at night, knowing I'm not going to sleep well tonight. I have often thought I am a coward. That I can't tell them both that I think they're both messed up. My mother-in-law drinks every night. My husband does not validate my feelings and I think he doesn't truly respect me as a woman.
I love my husband very much. I have suggested many times that this is going to break our marriage. He just doesn't take it seriously enough.
I have gotten to the point where I don't know what the right thing to do is. I have been feeling numb, towards everything. I get very anxious every day I come home from work, to see how things are going to be. I'm a therapist by the way and can't figure my own stuff out. I'm just so tired, emotionally exhausted and drained, all the time. I'm scared of what might happen or that I will lose the chance to have a remaining life. I'm afraid I won't see my parents again before death claims them. I don't want to do this anymore. I just can't get out.

[troebia]

I'm not a therapist, but that situation seems toxic. Is your husband never going to work again? If not, he's never going to leave that house. Are you really going to stay with him there? If you do, maybe you should try to get your husband and daughter out more for quality time together. Also, you have the right to visit your own parents, no question about it. Start putting more emotional distance to your mother-in-law or she'll keep manipulating you.

My mother-in-law lives with us almost all the time and I keep her at arm's length and with a stone face. It takes a lot of effort since I have my own mental issues.

[Henrryon09]

You have to think about yourself. No one should feel that way. Your husband clearly doesn't want to change and he doesn't care that you're miserable. You should make him listen, and if he doesn't, you can always leave.