Codependency and dealing with partner's ED and sexual issues

[Danerika]

Hey there. I have some codependent issues and the main problem is that I am stuck in the "I am always completely understanding and patient and supportive" mode and can't bring myself to say that I am not satisfied with how little progress has been made over time, and that I want us to see a sex therapist to work this out. I spent two years waiting for penetrative sex, and now that my boyfriend has been taking testosterone for months, it's STILL very rare. He is not facing his issues for performance anxiety at all. So the conditions for sex have to be PERFECT for it to happen, and if I try to initiate or try to arouse him, he acts disconnected or rejects me or even acts like my coming onto him is an attack. He said he is willing to go to sex therapy if things don't improve, but we never set a time limit for improvement or said what improvement would look like to have "worked." So, I am scared to say "I still want our sex life to involve penetration and for you to have an orgasm, so can we please go to sex therapy to work on that?" I just say everything I am supposed to say and suffer in silence for years. I am afraid the resentment will build so much and more years will go by, and this will drive us apart. HOW do I say the "wrong" thing (that my needs are not being met)???

[brownblob]

I don't know how you say it, but you need to say it. Your needs matter to at least be acknowledged. Tell him you have needs and this is a problem. Tell him that it is time for the therapy. It sounds like he has some deep issues. Good Luck.