Adult asbergers

[Mosesvampslayer]

I am curious to hear someone's story about being diagnosed on the spectrum as an adult and how the idea even came to be. For myself, I was in therapy for a while and my counselor had an extremely difficult time figuring out how I operate I guess you could say. Some of this was due to not being a great fit because she is experienced in different issues than I have. She suggested asbergers after a phone session and ever since then I am certain it explains the majority of my behavior and feelings. It seems like it can be hard to detect early in life. I know the definition in the DSM has changed recently so that will likely help. At the same time, parents have to pay attention to the child for that to matter. In my case, I was neglected, and don't have the one extremely noticeably autistic trait of coordination issues or speech so who would ever think of it??
The traits I exhibit are narrow areas of interest bordering on obsessive, what I would describe as social cluelessness, not understanding nuances in speech or facial expressions, eye contact is painful, monotone speech, and having a hard time paying attention to other people talking if it's not about something I'm interested in. I also struggle very much with being able to identify my feelings. I have been doing a mood journal on my phone that includes taking pictures (which I hate) and I'm not sure if I am gaining anything from it. I try to think about how I feel but there's some sort of disconnect. And my facial expressions are exactly the same no matter my mood. I am in a new city now and can't make new friends. I do get very anxious in social situations and am certain I am doing the wrong thing at all times which makes it hard to go out and meet people. While I'm typing this, I'm thinking a support group might be helpful to learn how to interact with people.
Well anyways, anyone else relate to this?

[manuel_moe_g]

I am on the spectrum. I was diagnosed as an adult. I feel cheated out of normal human relationships throughout my whole life, but I have made real connections in my later life that are rewarding and fulfilling. My biggest successes came after I let go of my ego and dived into getting help and also dived into risking it for relationships. I am also in the process of coming to terms with the fact that human relationships are easier for other people than they are for me, and being grateful for the ability that I do have.

[Mosesvampslayer]

Hi manuel moe! I wonder what you mean by cheated out of relationships earlier in your life. Do you mean that people didn't want to be friends or because you were never taught how to socialize properly, given the lack of natural skills to do so? I think I understand what you mean. I have to say my experience was sort of like I thought people were my friends but weren't really and I never picked up on the small clues that would have proven that.
So intimacy can happen?!! Haha I know it's true it just seems so far away to have those close relationships.

When you say it was helpful to know that relationships are easier for other people I couldn't agree more. I used to blame myself for lack of communication in previous dating relationships and there was always a disconnect I couldn't explain, other than negative self talk. It's strange and I have had a hard time even explaining to my therapist what was happening. I thought maybe I was dissociating but I don't think that's it, I think it's more of my mind wandering in a disinteresting conversation but I never noticed so I didn't really know it was happening. I'm not sure if that makes any sense or not.

I'm curious, how did you know to even go get an evaluation in the first place? You must have had an inkling I imagine.
Thanks for responding!

[manuel_moe_g]

A therapist I visited for anxiety and depression was also an expert on Aspergers and Autism, and I manifest the symptoms of Aspergers obviously

[Mosesvampslayer]

I see! That's very interesting. I would imagine also a relief? I know the first time I began to research the topic I was extremely relieved as it made so much sense to me. Now I know a word other than weird to describe myself, there's not something Wrong with me, and also other people know what it's like to have this sort of odd brain

[manuel_moe_g]

Yeah, part of me was sad that I had this difficult mental disease, part of me was relieved that I had a new understanding of my whole life.

[Mosesvampslayer]

Thanks so much for your input! I've been thinking about the effects on my life the symptoms have and learned in myself that the worst attribute is the judgement of safe people and nuance in conversation, like sarcasm. The slight signals that (I guess) most people are naturally able to pick up on are just not there for me. I have found that ASKING if a person is joking is helpful. Might take the buzz off their joke, but at least I know it's a joke. I am more concerned with being able to tell who to trust. How the hell are you supposed to be able to figure that out if you can't pick up on these tells? Or is that stuff learned in support groups that teach social skills? I'm worried about getting another crappy therapist or psych as my last experience was quite dangerous.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Mosesvampslayer

I am sorry that your psych experience was dangerous.

I just forgive myself and forgive the universe that there is a whole bunch of social cues that I will never pick up on every time I interact with people. I will never have the same experience as a "normal" person, and it took some work to forgive myself and forgive the universe for letting me down.

Please take care, all the best.

[Mosesvampslayer]

Thanks manuel moe,

That is an interesting way to view it. I suppose I'm still in the mostly angry phase but there's definitely some hope there. I really appreciate your perspective on this topic and will keep it in mind.

All the best to you as well