Never done this before
Posted: April 7th, 2018, 10:07 am
My father-in-law passed away on April 1st. He was recovering from surgery, by all indications would be home by now or in a rehab to get his strength back, so it what happened was sudden and unexpected.
I am grateful for so much in all this. We were able to be there at the hospital, I have been able to be off work to support my husband, his mother and his brother, that Dad was around long enough for me to have a relationship with him. He survived colon cancer by 17 years and I've been around 7 1/2 years. The surgery was a result of scare tissue formed in the original surgeries back then, they fixed some hernias as well which is something that inevitably happens to people with colostomies, plus he'd dealt with internal bleeding over the years from a bunch of scar tissue in his abdomen from radiation burns. Ultimately, we don't know exactly what happened inside his body. His heart stopped that night, he'd thrown up and aspirated, they got his heart moving again but it took 30 minutes. Later that night, he crashed again and they worked on him twice more before letting him go. Internal bleeding, acidic blood they couldn't balance.
I have long suspected Dad would be the first person I would lose up close and personal. I grew up away from extended family and moved around a lot as a kid and as a grown up, too. Where I live now is the longest I've lived anywhere in my 37 years of life. As almost a matter of coincidence, I have not ever had someone I was currently close with pass away. I have always been gone, out of touch, or wasn't ever really close in the first place. I went to one of my grandfather's services as a kid, but I barely knew him and knew he was an abusive alcoholic even when I was eight, plus it was not a regular funeral, went to pick up his ashes with my Gram, my parents and at least one aunt, plus a cousin near my age, and assorted family I mostly didn't know dumped them into the ocean (illegally) at a park before someone went to get sub sandwiches.
I am already missing the heck out of the sweet man who always introduced me as "his sweetheart." The outpouring of love at his services was incredible. The man had a gift for loving, gratitude for even the smallest consideration, and making people feel special and important. He told unfunny jokes and overshared about his body functions in an effort to apologize, he wasn't confident in himself but was so proud of his family. My heart breaks for my mother-in-law who is missing her mate of 55 years. Their communication style was bickering, but their love was deep and true.
I may come back and write some more later. Needed to say that I'm feeling like the work I've done on myself has paid off in that I am feeling my feelings. Terrible, difficult feelings. I can't say it feels good, but it feels right.
I am grateful for so much in all this. We were able to be there at the hospital, I have been able to be off work to support my husband, his mother and his brother, that Dad was around long enough for me to have a relationship with him. He survived colon cancer by 17 years and I've been around 7 1/2 years. The surgery was a result of scare tissue formed in the original surgeries back then, they fixed some hernias as well which is something that inevitably happens to people with colostomies, plus he'd dealt with internal bleeding over the years from a bunch of scar tissue in his abdomen from radiation burns. Ultimately, we don't know exactly what happened inside his body. His heart stopped that night, he'd thrown up and aspirated, they got his heart moving again but it took 30 minutes. Later that night, he crashed again and they worked on him twice more before letting him go. Internal bleeding, acidic blood they couldn't balance.
I have long suspected Dad would be the first person I would lose up close and personal. I grew up away from extended family and moved around a lot as a kid and as a grown up, too. Where I live now is the longest I've lived anywhere in my 37 years of life. As almost a matter of coincidence, I have not ever had someone I was currently close with pass away. I have always been gone, out of touch, or wasn't ever really close in the first place. I went to one of my grandfather's services as a kid, but I barely knew him and knew he was an abusive alcoholic even when I was eight, plus it was not a regular funeral, went to pick up his ashes with my Gram, my parents and at least one aunt, plus a cousin near my age, and assorted family I mostly didn't know dumped them into the ocean (illegally) at a park before someone went to get sub sandwiches.
I am already missing the heck out of the sweet man who always introduced me as "his sweetheart." The outpouring of love at his services was incredible. The man had a gift for loving, gratitude for even the smallest consideration, and making people feel special and important. He told unfunny jokes and overshared about his body functions in an effort to apologize, he wasn't confident in himself but was so proud of his family. My heart breaks for my mother-in-law who is missing her mate of 55 years. Their communication style was bickering, but their love was deep and true.
I may come back and write some more later. Needed to say that I'm feeling like the work I've done on myself has paid off in that I am feeling my feelings. Terrible, difficult feelings. I can't say it feels good, but it feels right.