Things I picked up, or worked out and kept, which help

[Imissmysun]

Beany I love this string of thoughts - you really have been through a lot and you have so much healing to share and I admire your hard work and your dedication to self health

You Rock!!!!

[Beany Boo]

Thank you Imissmysun

[Beany Boo]

Shallow Breathing

I restrict my breathing in the shower. It's because I'm trying to be invisible and 'avoid' a traumatic incident that happened long ago, in adolescence.

If I remember to breathe easily, while I'm in the shower, I feel better in the next moments before getting on the crowded bus. If I remember to breathe easily there I can relax all the way to my desk; and so on through any moment of the day involving awareness of my body until the last one when I'm back in bed again.

Hypoventilation is a thing. If you remember to gently un-restrict it, you're breathing, in the habitual moments that it happens, then it's not a thing.

[oak]

Hey Beany Boo.

Good thread. Thanks for sharing.

Since imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, do you mind if I start a thread on food insecurity?

[Beany Boo]

Imitate away!

[Beany Boo]

Inner Voice

Our negative inner voice is our inner child hearing a (giant) angry adult voice; a voice the child doesn't want to upset even while they don't understand why it has become angry at them in the first place.

While it doesn't understand, the child will still attempt to appease the angry voice by showing it that "I can punish myself so that you don't have to" without ever knowing what for.

It is as confusing in adulthood as it was for the child as you attempt to attribute words to compulsive feelings, to why-you-have-to-punish-yourself, words that approximate what you may have heard the reason to be or that you may have just made up; as you struggle over a lifetime to understand what you did to, for all intents and purposes, exile yourself, irreversibly from your parents' unconditional approval.

In response, it might be more effective to simply say something like, "I've clearly pissed you off, but your grown up brain, and it's reasons are too sophisticated for me. If you can't communicate to me, at my level, what's wrong then I can only leave you to suffer. My behaviour is not yours to control; unless to nurture it."

I'm sure there's a shorter, warmer phrase...

[Imissmysun]

I love that idea .... but talking back to the negative voice?

I don't know if I have the courage to do that yet - thats a tall order... I can't really talk back to my boss or anyone that holds authority over me - I can pout and say snarky side comments - I can roll my eyes at the situation and look absolutely put out - but actually talk back in a confrontational way? Nope - not ready...

That is flipping terrifying - like heaving up my lunch hide under a rock scary...

[Beany Boo]

I would say the real words of the negative voice don't exist, because an angry adult voice is equipped to corner the child in language designed to be beyond its capacity to rebuke. A well adjusted child might simply shout "STOP!" in an indignant tone in the same circumstance.

As for your boss I can only suggest two courses:

• 1. If someone demands your compliance, and you respond with measured silence; while you get your breath back and take your time to put your words in order, that can be very disarming.
  
  2. If someone is trying to force you to accept their message, then active listening is a good defence. Repeating or paraphrasing what they've said to you, it can mean something very different when it's in your voice with the feelings you're having. It may highlight their aggression or disrespect, or convey to them that you are not as incapable as their language or tone implies, or simply that you wish to contribute if you were only given the leaway to do so.

[Beany Boo]

Meditation

I don't so much meditate as ruminate without interruption.

That is to say interruption from:

• 1. Time pressure
  
  2. External stimuli
  
  3. Problem solving pressure

I don't do anything special in terms of technique. But I do set aside a regular time (evening), daily (mostly), alone in a darkened, temperature controlled room (or with a blanket). I do 20 minutes at body temperature, lying on my back with head and knees supported. I'm letting ambient stimuli pass through my sensory awareness, and letting any thought, breath or relaxation 'event' roll on through. No 'enforcing' thoughts or breaths; no resistance behaviour.

If there is a logic to it, it is that it gives my ruminating mind, and my out-of-whack breathing patterns a chance to re-synchronise to each other. In other words, in a day where they are continuously tested, interrupted and separated, this is their 'long moment.' Nothing is resolved, it is just a 'clumsy stroll.'

For the next 24 hours my breathing is less laboured or shallow, and my mind is less looking for fixes where none are needed.

It may not be much for some, but for me it's a momentary but marked descent into deep rest, followed by a day of ever so slightly smoother response capacity.

[Beany Boo]

My Escape: The Longboard

http://shop.ondamotion.com/onda-core/

http://kahunacreations.com/collections/ ... nd-paddles

This weekly activity feeds my need-that-can't-be-satisfied; and satisfies it.

I get out onto to the bike paths and 'paddle' for about 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon. When I come to the top of a hill, I 'snowboard' down the path on the other side and the momentum draws out into eternity.

There is a purity and a strangeness in it that is so easy for my particular 'difficulty.'

I wanted to share it on here to show that perfectionism and grand schemes can be thwarted by cheap(ish) toys on a Saturday afternoon. My inner boy squeals with unbridled delight when that moment comes and I glance towards the skateboard. The 40 something gets up off the couch and happily gets himself ready

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