Hi I'm new to forum and could use some support

[feelingstuck]

I'm not sure if anyone else has dealt with my issue. I belong to a twelve-step group which I have been a member for at least 20 years. The program really helped with deal with family of origin issues, child of alcoholic and depression. I was a very slow learner. At first, I was hesitant to speak because I had no self-esteem so I just mainly listened and cried a lot. I started to work on myself and healing. After about 5 years, I finally meet a group of women who became my family. I finally felt loved, worthy and accepted. We attended meetings, workshops, retreats, etc. These women were part of some of the happiest times in my life. We really formed a strong bond of love, acceptance and friendship. After 15 years, one of the women (who I was the closest to) started ignoring me and snubbed me at meetings. I tried several times to connect with the person. Naturally, I thought I did something wrong. My friend and I spoke and she blasted me telling me all that was wrong me and the things that annoyed her. I was blown away. I was so angry but really hurt. The other women in the group also broke off contact me with. I stopped attending meetings for about 1 1/2 years. I became paralyzed and of course believed I was wrong. I let this event and events from my childhood define me. I walked around believing there was something wrong with me. This triggered feelings like abandonment and unworthiness. I have made it back to the rooms but I'm very guarded and untrusting. I've tried so hard to let this go and just accept what happened. I would appreciate any feedback or input. I'm glad I can this crap out.

[manuel_moe_g]

I read what you posted. You deserve better, you didn't deserve this abandonment. You are worthy.

[feelingstuck]

Thank you for reading and responding. I appreciate your uplifting words. I just have to work on believing that for myself. There is a part of me that knows I deserve better but there is that horrible voice sometimes that I let it. I've been working on these issues for a long time, I think I should be better and not stumble anymore. Some hurts are so deep rooted, they can come up when I least expect it. I'm going to keep working!!

Have a great day!!

[Brooke]

I am so sorry that you got so brutally rejected...!! That is a horrific emotional experience... I really feel for you... We are all so scared of being vulnerable because of experiences like this... I am very guarded in general because of things like this happening... But I think once you are ready to socialize again, you can find another group you can hang out with. And next time, being guarded might actually be healthy. Maybe pick just one person you can open up your heart again...

I'm truly so sorry you experienced this kind of pain from people you have trusted... I'm glad you were able to open up here and share your story. This is a safe place to connect and if anyone is mean to you here, just report it and let others know.

Love,
Brooke