Hi Everyone
How do I break the cycle of being alone, I only have two friends I share my life with, I'm a good daughter, godmother and aunty but I'm the add-on person without a family of my own. I'm kind and sometimes the life of the party but I keep myself seperate from the rest of the world most of the time. I am pretty jealous of anyone with the 2.4 kids set up as that's what I want but I think it's me that's prevented me fromletting people in...
Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
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Paul Gilmartin
- Posts: 363
- Joined: March 22nd, 2011, 9:54 pm
- Gender: male
- Issues: Depression, Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Incest Survivor
- preferred pronoun: He
- Location: Los Angeles
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Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Rosie,
Welcome to forum! I think a lot of people here can relate. When our pain or anxiety gets bad, we naturally want to pull away. I do it all the time. Fortunately, I have let friends get to know me, and they'll check up on me when I'm trying to hide. Those friends I never found at a bar, I found them at support groups that I attend several times a week. A therapist would probably help, especially with leading you to a support group that will build that network of like-minded friends.
Paul
Welcome to forum! I think a lot of people here can relate. When our pain or anxiety gets bad, we naturally want to pull away. I do it all the time. Fortunately, I have let friends get to know me, and they'll check up on me when I'm trying to hide. Those friends I never found at a bar, I found them at support groups that I attend several times a week. A therapist would probably help, especially with leading you to a support group that will build that network of like-minded friends.
Paul
http://mentalpod.comNothing degrades the quality of my life like obsessing about the quality of my life.
Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Hello Rosie!!
At the lowest point in my life when I was washed up and emotionally left to die but didn't, I volunteered in a hospital. Because that worked to get me up on the road to healing, I offer it to you as an idea to consider. And another suggestion.......mindfulness/meditation practice.
Mindfulness/meditation practice promises the dedicated follower a better life in more than one way. One example is the "monkey mind" as some call it; the mental stream of thoughts often distressing and relentless gets a throttle with mindfulness/meditation practice. Regrets of the past and fears of the future pale as the focus upon the absolute PRESENT moment becomes your dear friend and ally.
Two leads with dignity of scholarship on this subject are found in these links:
http://www.jimhopper.com/mindfulness/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc
And how can I leave out wild and woolly Albert Ellis and his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy? I can't!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyRE-78g_z0
So I wonder if you will "circulate" Rosie.....and find people you like and will relate to. And I will add in closing that many, many ideas and solutions exist in this forum for what troubles each of us. It's a fabulous place for mental health resources and the compassion that the world sorely lacks.
At the lowest point in my life when I was washed up and emotionally left to die but didn't, I volunteered in a hospital. Because that worked to get me up on the road to healing, I offer it to you as an idea to consider. And another suggestion.......mindfulness/meditation practice.
Mindfulness/meditation practice promises the dedicated follower a better life in more than one way. One example is the "monkey mind" as some call it; the mental stream of thoughts often distressing and relentless gets a throttle with mindfulness/meditation practice. Regrets of the past and fears of the future pale as the focus upon the absolute PRESENT moment becomes your dear friend and ally.
Two leads with dignity of scholarship on this subject are found in these links:
http://www.jimhopper.com/mindfulness/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc
And how can I leave out wild and woolly Albert Ellis and his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy? I can't!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyRE-78g_z0
So I wonder if you will "circulate" Rosie.....and find people you like and will relate to. And I will add in closing that many, many ideas and solutions exist in this forum for what troubles each of us. It's a fabulous place for mental health resources and the compassion that the world sorely lacks.
Algernon
Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Thank you both, I know I need to get out there and find a better life. It's silly to hide away feeling alone, I've just been invited to a party tonight but am seriously thinking of not going which is daft! Getting out there to meet like-minded people is what I need to do so I'm hoping I will change my mind and go to that party! At Christmas I helped out at a young homeless shelter because that was me at 17, I've filled out the forms to volunteer so now I need to chase it up. Hopefully I can do some good and minimise the self-pity x
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Lady
- Posts: 22
- Joined: April 26th, 2012, 4:38 am
- Location: Anywhere and everywhere I can afford to run to
Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Hi Rosie!
First of all, I adore Wales...such a lovely country. I'm in Scotland right now and if I could swing it I'd be in Cardiff before the month finishes.
Second, I do hope you go out tonight and that you have tons of fun. It's amazing how we let our minds trap us into to isolating ourselves solely by telling us that we are not worth it or alone in our issues.
All I can really recommend besides support groups is activism and extra curricular activities. Write down a list of things you love to do or would love to learn to do and see if there is something in your area that supports that. Groups meet for nearly everything these days and they are a great way to get to know people.
Be bold! You are worth it.
First of all, I adore Wales...such a lovely country. I'm in Scotland right now and if I could swing it I'd be in Cardiff before the month finishes.
Second, I do hope you go out tonight and that you have tons of fun. It's amazing how we let our minds trap us into to isolating ourselves solely by telling us that we are not worth it or alone in our issues.
All I can really recommend besides support groups is activism and extra curricular activities. Write down a list of things you love to do or would love to learn to do and see if there is something in your area that supports that. Groups meet for nearly everything these days and they are a great way to get to know people.
Be bold! You are worth it.
Some children dreamed of becoming firemen & mothers, I wanted to be a canine. Yay for unrealistic goals!
“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” -Guillaume Apollinaire
“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” -Guillaume Apollinaire
Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Thank you Lady, I'm glad you like Wales, I went to Scotland last year for the first time and loved it. I think you're right I need to get out there and grab life instead of shying away from it. I used to Ramble and I really need to get back into it, it was really good to get out onto the Welsh mountains, get some exercise and talk to some lovely people. I hope you're having a good weekend 
Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Croeso Rosie!
I am kind of in the same situation as you. You will find this a very comforting place, God knows it's helped me a great deal..
You're not alone!
John (BCZF)
A humble mod...
I am kind of in the same situation as you. You will find this a very comforting place, God knows it's helped me a great deal..
You're not alone!
John (BCZF)
A humble mod...
Re: Welsh girl whose spent a lot of my adult life alone
Diolch!
This has changed things for me already, I'm starting to feel much better about the person I am. I went out yesterday with my best friend and god-daughters and just enjoyed being with them instead of feeling I was an add-on! I feel hopeful for the first time, I've spent most of my life running away and now I feel I can just stop and take things in. Let's hope we stop isolating ourselves to finally let people in to love us, because we deserve it!
This has changed things for me already, I'm starting to feel much better about the person I am. I went out yesterday with my best friend and god-daughters and just enjoyed being with them instead of feeling I was an add-on! I feel hopeful for the first time, I've spent most of my life running away and now I feel I can just stop and take things in. Let's hope we stop isolating ourselves to finally let people in to love us, because we deserve it!