23, female, and Considering therapy

[Bunnicula Spanx]

Hello Everyone! I love the podcast, and it has helped me realize I am not exaggerating or making up my problems.I was raised by a bipolar father and an enabling mother. To be honest, my Dad acted more like a little brother than a father. If he wanted my attention he would purposely aggravate me until I would go hide in my room. To be honest, I felt older than him by the time I was 8. He had a history of drug use that I think contributed to a lot of his behaviors.
At age 12 my parents let my 18 year old boyfriend move in. He lived with me for 2 1/2 years until I broke up with him. I felt I had outgrown him in maturity as well (by this point I was 15) I'm not sure why my parents allowed this. My mom's reasoning was that I needed to make my own choices and that I would only resent her if she didn't allow the relationship. I believe I felt this relationship was good for me at the time, because in ways he acted like a father figure in a lot of ways, yet still had his mommy issues that allowed us to relate.He didn't have a Dad so when My Dad and him would smoke pot together he got something he needed.I hated that they were "buddies", but I wasn't really given a say. My Dad continued to hang out with this guy and his family well after I'd broken up with him and had another boyfriend (the wonderful man I am with today)
Luckily at 50, my mom (I was 21 and they had moved out of my childhood home, let me take over payments on the house) decided to divorce my Dad when he started using meth again.I was under the impression he was in recovery which he was for a while, but got kicked out of every facility that would take him. Through all this I appear relatively well adjusted in public and people consider me to be social and fun to be around (no idea how :p) I have my Associates in college, but am unemployed at the moment.I feel like a lot of these issues are holding me back from becoming the adult I need to be. I don't want to cry victim, and I don't want to sound ungrateful. I was never beaten or raped. In writing all this down I think I'm just now realizing that these things really did happen, they are just all emotional. No physical bruises to validate my pain. I'm really considering therapy after listening to the podcast, and thoroughly enjoy every episode! Thanks for everything you do Paul! Also, sorry for the long post, another fact about me: I'm loquacious

[apb7721]

Welcome

I dont bite!

[Bunnicula Spanx]

^ Why thank you! For the record, I don't bite either

[weary]

Welcome - I just posted a response on the Hello from Utah thread that was directed both at Hales and you.

Sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm glad that you found the podcast and found your way here, and I hope that you find it helpful. I have, and I've only been on here for about a month.

[apb7721]

Bunnicula,

I grew up in a great family with loving but stern parents. I never was abused or demeaned by them but I still went to therapy. Many people never have that rough home life but they might go through a ton of crap in school.

I'm sorry to hear about your family dynamic growing up. I cannot imagine. I really can't believe she let you have an 18 year old boyfriend when you were 12. That just blows my mind. If I ever have kids, i couldnt see myself using any rationale for that.

Come, stay for a while, jump into the interesting discussions. Have a laugh, a cry, and whatever emotion you feel the need to express. You can lean on us

[Bunnicula Spanx]

oh man,
you can't understand how great that is to hear. I guess I just find immense comfort in finding someone (besides my significant other who is also dealing with a meth addict father/broken home) that HEARS me. I suppose I hide my problems well to others, but it's SO freeing to not have to have secrets here. I'm absolutely afraid to have children I see so many people my age and younger having children. Between the manic/depressive bipolar, anxiety, and drug addicts in lineage from both sides of the family I can't imagine having a child that wouldn't suffer in some way. update: ( I know, I'm exhausting) My Dad showed up 4 days ago. He was in Southern California supposedly getting help and sobering up. He had a job with a church (Religion seems to always be his new addiction when he cleans up and becomes his conscience) However, he "moved" here, aka has no home and showed up at MAYBE 130 pounds. He's 6ft tall. I thought I would avoid the whole confrontation, but he was dropped off at my house and started picking black berries in my yard. I peeked through my window blinds thinking some druggie was in my yard....I found out it was my own father. My soon to be husband tried to protect me by saying I wasn't home. I heard he was going to give my dad a ride somewhere in town ( my fiance had drank a few beers, so I immediately felt guilt for the love of my life dying in a car crash trying to save me from my meth head father) so I "manned" up emotionally and went outside. ( I had been hiding in the bathroom) when I saw him, I bawled uncontrollably into my fiance's arms. It was SO hard to see. I dealt with the pain, and gave him everything he had left here (my childhood home that I live in now) before he moved.We ended up having to kick him out of our house because he kept going to the bathroom, I assume doing drugs, and invited his friend over to our house to just "hang out"/ make a drug deal. 2 days later, he showed up in the field next to my house and was basically squatting there. At the moment, he has a sleeping bag and all his "hobo" stuff next to my house. No idea when he'll show up again, and I have no idea how to emotionally handle this. I'm conflicted, because I SHOULD call the cops and they will do a wellness check since drugs are involved/ get him committed into a facility.I just have trouble with this idea. I don't know....UGH I upset myself at how verbose I am....but I have to vent somewhere I suppose. I hope to hear other's struggles in the future...keep telling myself that I am not alone.....