New to forum

[Pro Trucker]

Hi, I have been listening to the MIHA for about 3 months but, new to the forum. This is my first forum experience of any sort and i am not sure what I am doing. I am a 49 y/o, OTR long haul truck driver. I used to think and say I drive by choice but now realize I do it because I don't like most people. The peaceful solitude has now become the bane of my existence. What i used to see as being away from people has developed into pure loneliness. When I was 7 or 8 ys. Old I was abducted and taken under a bridge and raped, or to soften it a bit, molested. My 1st experience with therapy was when I was 10 ys. Old. I had no clue why I was there, why I was in a group with a bunch of , what i thought at the time was, retards and spazzes, now I know I was one. I have come to understand I was very violent after the molestation. I didn't realize until years later that my mom never even asked me about it. Never talked to me about it but, told my first therapist about it. I have been hospitalized once for clinical depression when I was in my late 20's. I have been to many types of support groups as well as a variety of psych docs, psychologist, and other mental health pros. But nothing for over 10 ys. I've been on several types of meds and am currently on Celexa, and feel somewhat stable. I still have anger issues and bouts of deep depression. But still feel a tiny bit of hope. Some thanks go to Paul Gilmartin. I really thought I had a difficult young life until I heard him share his experiences as well as most of his guests. Wow, is he fucked up or what? Lol. Really, I do love him for the courage it takes to share his pain and put together a great podcast. So, this is my intro. I look forward to any feedback or comments.

[manuel_moe_g]

Welcome Pro Trucker! I have socialization issues too, but I never had the trauma that you did. Please take care, all the best, we here are all cheering for your best today and tomorrow!

[Pro Trucker]

Hey Manuel , kind of you to reply. And many thanks for the well wishes.

[manuel_moe_g]

I recently finished a 3rd course of professional therapy. I have been truly dealing with my depression, anxiety, Aspergers for 16 years, since my breakdown at the age of 25.
I honor your pain. You don't deserve the pain you are experiencing. Please take care. I wish I was competent to give help. I am so glad you are reaching out and doing steps to love yourself in exactly the way you very much deserve.