My head always hurts.

[strychix]

So, I guess let's talk about me. I'm a 23 year old female-bodied trans-something, meaning I jump all over the trans* spectrum, a lot of it depending on the type of year. I have various forms of OCD (though, unfortunately for those who have to see my house, not any having to do with cleaning, heh), I' have manic depression, body dysmorphia, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and a long history of suicide attempts at violent tendencies.

Stress and frustration is pretty rules my world.

I'm an artist, if you can call yourself that if the world and stress have beaten you so far down that you don't have time to do art, and when you do have the time, you make excuses as to why you can't. My boyfriend living with me is one of them, through no fault of his own. I don't want to do art in front of other people... anxiety.

I love my pets and have been told I'm bordering on hording, though currently I only own a dove, a dog, and some fish... I do hoard animal supplies though. The reason I have the dove is because I found it (it's obviously domesticated) at work and took it home because I had a cage for it and no associations would come pick it up.

My mother was a manipulating, bi-polar, cleaning OCD type who was always in an abusive relationship and always under some influence. My father is a great guy, but has been mostly absent in my life due to having no backbone, and my grandparents who have been crucial in my life have no interest in having a discussion about how things make us feel. My grandma's whole extended family (and therefor my extended family since it's the only one I'm forced to participate in) is like that. High expectations, no moral support.

So I don't come from good stock, genetically or environmentally.

Oh yeah, and I've been raped twice... By two people... And they were both my boyfriend at the time.

Any questions?

[Jenny Jump]

Strychix, welcome and a big fat hug to you. Pull up a comfy chair and stay a while. Are you currently getting any therapeutic treatment, especially since you have survived abuse?

[strychix]

No, not really. I have before when I was a kid (and forced to by the state) but my mom quickly pulled me out of it because they asked why I was getting bad grades and I said I was bored so they gave me an IQ test at 13 and I scored a 127. My mom, only having a 115, moved me out of the state.

I was going to a general practitioner to cut costs recently but got a letter saying I was spending too much going to a GP at a hospital that is what my health insurance is based out of.

I tried to get Employee Assistant Program info at work but the terminal available to me, and the only way to get said info, won't let you view PDFs... Which everything is formatted in for information like providers and such. Brought this up to my superiors, was ignored.

What really sucks is my boyfriend is tribal so every damned thing he'd ever need is free. It's a hard thing to watch.

[Jenny Jump]

Strychx, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sending you some good vibes your way and hope you get some relief.