i'm certifiable, loud and snarky...

[yookincalmey]

hello people, my name's not yookincalmey, but you can call me catfish... i am 41 and was diagnosed with chronic major depression at 19 and bipolar 2 at 37 and that got cancelled and re-diagnosed with everyone's nightmarish diagnosis for someone they love... Borderline Personality Disorder... We are not psychos that will jump on the hood of your car naked as you try to break up with them like most people assume. Yes we can be hard to handle, but if we learn good DBT skills and you do too, we can be the most loyal, protective, fun, creative and spontaneous folks you ever met. We tend to be artistic, funny, march to the beat of our own drum and passionate.... If our emotional needs are being met, that is... If they aren't, well that's another introduction. i'm sure it won't be long before i write it. You see... i'm a borderline that left my husband of 20 years.

NO, we aren't extinct, and yes i do meet the criteria and it is rare for me to walk away from someone i trusted because i trust so few. But, unfortunately to many that are most close to me, well there is nothing worse apparently than bpd. As if i "caught" it over night. It is a rare occasion to be treated without the veil of psycho freak woman between myself and my besties. i'm an isolator, and the depression and borderline symptoms are like nuclear bombs in my chest because i have no people. none. everyone left and they left me in charge of calming my mind down and my mind wants me dead. needless to say, i'm alive and white knuckling it, hoping that someone doesn't hurt me bad enough that i choose to drift away...

[Jenny Jump]

Welcome, yookin! It's nice to have more newbies here at the forum.

[Jamous]

I just might 'jump on the hood of someone's car naked if they tried to break up with me'.. Ok, so maybe not THAT extreme. Take out the 'naked' part and.....

Anyways, WELCOME!

[meh]

Snarky is good. We like snarky.

[yookincalmey]

thank you to all. compulsive paper cutting... getting divorced after 20 years, my first place all to myself and i spend hours making tissue paper flowers, or cutting words out of magazines, orgasmic out of old book pages. there is a trail of tiny paper shreds from the outside of my door, down the hallway, through the lobby and out the door. But, i'm pretty sure they don't know its me. I've turned into a "gatherer these last few months. I have taken up crafting... well, if i'm honest i have taken up not crafting, instead i purchase the stuff i will need should i ever decide i need a sock monkey toilet paper cozy, well, I am ready as i also collect tutorial video's and fact sheets. i have slept in my bedroom 4 times since i loved in December. it's the place where i keep pies of craft items in piles but none of them ever have the entire list of supplies available, but even if they did, i enjoy the shopping more than the doing. I lose hours searching and saving, writing notes and making list after list. and then i will absolutely positively know if have the list and get to the market and BOOM! no list. I only shop and go out late at night, and i usually forget that my cellphone is in my purse and glasses on my head. Looked for the cell phone for 15 minutes yesterday. had just had it. so i said forget it and when i shut the door behind me and turned to lock it and i had the freaking cellphone in my hand. sometimes it's a funny story, but mostly it makes me afraid. cuz i'm not myself at all... i feel like the whole worlds a trick being played on me. discombobulated and walking thru chaos, loneliness and desperately need to remember who i am.