I'm in love with Massachusetts...

[lorem ipsum]

Hey everyone. I learned about Paul's podcast through MetaFilter, a community weblog that I read, and when I saw the title I knew I needed in.

I'm a lifelong (so far) Massachusetts resident. I'm in my mid-30s and I've struggled with depression since I was six years old. About four years ago my relationship almost fell apart because my depression had gotten the best of me, and I saw that as a wake-up call to deal with my depression. Since then I've found a really good psychologist and I've gone on anti-depressants, which seem to be helping me. I've also finished my BA, and I was able to hold down a job for 2.5 years. I got a diagnosis of depression and PTSD, which has helped me a bit. Giving these horrible feelings a name makes them a little more controllable.

Right now I'm struggling because the structure that school and work left me is gone. I'm trying to find a job (good luck with that), writing a lot (mostly film and music reviews, some personal essays as well), and working on a novel that I need to start editing. I'm finding that much of the rejection I've experienced is starting to erode my self-esteem. Additionally, I've had some acne flare-ups after going on Celexa, which is not only physically painful but also deeply embarrassing.

So that's who I am.

[Lark]

Thank you for sharing a little about you.
It is a pleasure to meet you, welcome to the community!

[fifthsonata]

I bet I'd love MA, too!

Structure is a blessing for someone coming out of a depression. Less time to think, dwell, stew...

Could you make a schedule for yourself? Get up every day at the same time, go to bed at the same time...map out your goals for the day. Perhaps you could find some way to hold yourself accountable - that's the only way schedules work for me. You say you're writing a novel - get in touch with a publisher. If you're got your storyboard/outline set up, pitch it to the publisher. If they're interested, give them a time frame for which they could expect to read content. Maybe chapter by chapter, maybe the whole thing. If you've got them expecting something from you, it'll be easier for you to be motivated.

You could also set something job-related up to your therapist - make a goal of say, 3 apps per week. Give your shrink the details of the apps with every appointment - where you applied, a copy of the cover letter, or whatever other proof the therapist wants to validate your application.

Have you spoken with your psychologist about the acne from Celexa? Could they give you something else? Or, maybe a dermatologist could give you something to counteract the Celexa? In the meantime, my favorite product is "On a Clear Day" from Philosophy. I had acne in my early 20s - I found this and it cleared up my skin ever since.

I know you're more than you outline here, just thought I'd throw out some ideas. Welcome! Post pictures of MA!

[lorem ipsum]

Hey fifthsonata! Thanks for the kind words. Your post gives me a lot to which I should respond, but I wanted to also point you and others in the direction of a song. Turning people on to music. It's what I do.

I quoted "I'm in love with Massachusetts" from the song "Roadrunner" by Jonathan Richman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcQJIy5_HLQ
Jonathan Richman's music makes me want to dance and brings me up when I'm in a crummy mood, so it seems appropriate that I should quote it in my introductory post here.

[fifthsonata]

LOL - you picked the right person, I teach music Will listen!

[Lark]

So funny that you are talking about music on this thread... Every time my eyes run across the title of this intro post, I think of this song..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQfzigXGT-k

Sorry, but it has crossed my mind so many times I had to point it out.

[lorem ipsum]

My younger brother loves the punk rock. MOSH PARTY!